Red Tattoo
by Stoug
Summary: After being abducted by Red John, Lisbon struggles to reconnect with her old life. She takes comfort in Jane's arms only to fall after into lies and deceipt to protect what matters most against Red John. Rated M for Violence and Jisbon sexytimes.
1. Chapter 1 : Captive

Disclaimer: Yes, I own it and Simon Baker is my husband. Sorry, I lied I don't own anything.

Chapter 1: Captive

It had been so long. She couldn't picture Jane's face in her mind anymore. He disappeared as if he had never existed. The sound of his voice, his beautiful curls, even his smile that had kept her warm for so long had vanished. Only darkness remained. Lisbon opened her eyes and sobbed loudly. Not a hint of light anywhere. She hadn't seen daylight in weeks, or maybe months. She couldn't tell anymore as her mind was getting cloudier and cloudier. She used to take refuge in the memories of her family, her team and especially of Jane. He had been the light in her mind, the glimpse of hope that brightened her spirit. But after all this time in captivity, her mind was now betraying her. She couldn't see him anymore, he was gone like a mirage that had disappeared in front of her eyes. She cried as if he was dead. She grieved the loss of her friend and of herself. There was nothing left Red john could take from her. He destroyed everything she was: her body was now a pile of bones and her mind a dark and lonely place. Emptiness and obscurity was swallowing her whole.

When she had first been abducted by Red John, she had expected a quick and painful death. She even imagined Jane's horror struck face as he discovered her mutilated corpse under a bloody smiley face. She almost wished it had happened this way, at least she would be at peace now. Instead, she was held captive and left to die in a cold and dark cell, starving to death. Occasionally, Red john would give her some food and a little water to drink after one of his visit but this was just enough to keep her alive a little longer. She laid on the dirty floor in her underwear and t-shirt, oblivious to the cold and the stench in the room. Her body was numb, and the moments of clarity were fewer and fewer. She couldn't move much anymore, her body so frail she could barely crawl to the corner to pee. Every move was excruciating as her protruding bones made contact with the concrete floor but she forced herself to move as much as she could, turning on her side frequently, moving her legs. She reveled in the pain as it was the only reminder that she wasn't dead yet. She even picked at the cuts he left on her body, just to feel something other than numbness. She was fighting with everything she had to keep her mind and body from shutting down. Just another day and her team would find her and everything would be alright. But they never came.

She heard a noise behind the door and she was instantly filled with dread. Red john was back. The metal door creaked opened but no light entered the room. In total darkness she could feel him approaching her, her heart pounding in her chest. Indescribable fear invaded her as she laid helpless on the floor. She jumped when she felt his warm breath on her neck, goosebumps spreading instantly. She suppressed a sob from escaping her throat. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

" I missed you, Teresa … I hope you're up for some fun today." Red John whispered in her ear in a high pitch creepy voice.

She shuddered in answer and he laughed loudly as if she had made the funniest joke. He took her face roughly in both his hands and licked her chick slowly, inch by inch from bottom to top. She remained impassive even as she was thoroughly repulsed. She had learned during his numerous visits that the more she reacted to his actions, the more fun he was having, the more pain he would inflict on her. The monster reveled in any show of emotions, so she vowed to never show any.

"You taste like crap, Teresa… " Red john said as he spat on the floor.

"You should take better care of yourself… Ever heard of a shower ?" He laughed cruelly as he grabbed under her legs and took her roughly in his arms.

He smelled of tobacco and of licorice. His scent and his physical proximity made her sick to her stomach. She knew what was coming next and her eyes started to water as panic filled her. He carried her to the next room and lowered her on a rusty metal chair. The cop inside of her screamed to fight back and kill the bastard before he started to hurt her again but she couldn't. She was too weak. He would probably kill her this time but it didn't matter anymore. She would welcome death with open arms if it meant the end of this nightmare. She readied herself mentally as he tied her hands behind her back. He blindfolded her and only then he turned on the light. That was always part of the ritual. They would talk for a while, then would come his favorite part: cutting her.

"Well, Teresa, our little party is coming to a end…and I have to say I'm gonna miss our time together…you see, our dear friend Patrick is not so much fun anymore. I thought your departure would give him more drive for our little game but it's quite the opposite actually. He's just the shadow of himself and kind of a bore now. So I think I need to get you out of the equation and see if I can get my old adversary back." Red john said as he circled the chair she was sitting on.

She smiled as she knew the end was near.

"He will kill you, you know…." She chucked.

"He will win that little game of yours…you son of a bitch." She laughed hysterically now as all her emotions came crashing down. She stopped suddenly and froze as she felt his cold hand creep up under her shirt.

" Hey now, no need to get so mouthy Teresa" Red john replied lightly as his hand made slowly its way up her stomach toward her chest. He reached her naked breast, and covered it with the palm of his hand. When he squeezed gently, It made her skin crawl. She was beyond revulsed, bile rising in he throat. It was the first time, Red John touched her like this.

" I thought you would have learnt by now…". His hand tightened around her breast. He squeezed with all the force he could master making her hiss in pain. He crushed her small breast so hard that she almost blacked out.

"Are you enjoying this as much as I do ?" He whispered in her ear. Lisbon couldn't answer as she bit her tongue to avoid crying in pain.

She could taste blood in her mouth. She resisted and contained the heavy sobs that threatened to escape but she couldn't stop the tears that fell down her face.

"Guess not…" He said as he looked at her.

"Just imagine it's Patrick, then… I know how much you wanted him… Too bad he wasn't into you, can't blame him though." She gritted her teeth through the pain as his words hurt as much as his hand, knowing full well that this was true, Jane had never wanted her. He finally released her and took his hand out as she showed no other reaction. He was disappointed but Red john never backed out of a challenge. As she sighed in relief, he smiled cruelly and went to retrieve his leather bag on top of of a metal table beside them. Lisbon's heart was pounding loudly in her chest as she knew what was coming but this time it would be the last time. He would kill her. How would he do it ? Slid her throat, eviscerate her ? Dread filled her as she heard the familiar noise of him sharpening his knife. At each visit, she had had to endure his little game where he would count the number of cuts it took to make her pass out. He took great pride in making precise cuts, mainly to her arms and legs, never deep enough to kill her but just enough to hurt like hell.

"Ok then, since it's our last time…I want to make it special…" He chuckled and Lisbon swallowed hard. She wondered if it was time for a prayer, or a last thought.

"I was thinking to make a little present for Patrick to make him think of me when he sees you." Red john said.

" I think my corpse under a smiley face will do the trick". She replied calmly. He burst into laughter at her comment.

"Well then, shall we ?" Red john said as he lifted her t-shirt revealing her bare stomach. Her whole body shook, anticipating the fatal blow that would take her life. She thought of her mother that she was going to meet again soon and of Jane, the only man she ever loved. A single tear fell from her eyes as she felt the cold blade of his knife slicing the skin of her stomach. Unbearable pain spread through her body like a wildfire, she couldn't contain her cries anymore. As he pushed the blade deeper, she screamed loudly and Red John smiled in triumph.

A/N - Next chapter: Jane and Lisbon's reunion


	2. Chapter 2 : Red reunion

Chapter 2: Red reunion

97 days, 3 hours and 5 minutes that Lisbon had been missing. Jane had gone back in his mind a thousand times to the day she had been taken by Red john. He had come to her apartment one morning only to discover her apartment empty and a red envelope on the kitchen table. He had known immediately what it meant. He could still remember his heart beating loudly in his chest and the bad taste in his mouth as he'd opened the envelope with shaky hands and read the card inside. An overwhelming sense of dread had spread into him like a wildfire engulfing any other emotion. His jaw clenched and his eyes closed for a second as the memory of the mutilated bodies of his family flooded back into him. It couldn't happen again, he wouldn't survive it.

The message inside had confirmed his worst fear, Lisbon had been taken by Red John. He had stayed frozen, horror struck at the words in front of him: "It's going to be fun" and at the too familiar smiley face mocking him. Since that day, he hadn't been able to breathe. It was like an invisible hand permanently squeezed his heart and chocked him. He was stuck in a perpetual nightmare, not knowing where she was, if she was dead, or in pain. Every waking moment his thoughts went in an endless loop, his mind creating scenarios of her being tortured, crying for help and begging him to find her. He had never felt such a sense of powerlessness and uselessness before. As the weeks passed, these feelings turned into anger. Anger against Red John, anger against himself because after everything he did to protect her, he hadn't fooled anyone but himself. Red john had seen right through him. He'd always been one step ahead and he'd known all along what he felt for Lisbon. Jane thought of all the moments when he faked nonchalance, pretended indifference and pushed her away. All those moments he wasted when he could have told her how he felt and brought her comfort. Instead he gave her nothing but heartache.

Red John had been very careful not to leave anything behind. There was no witness to her abduction and no trace of struggle in her apartment. With no lead to investigate, Jane had focused all his energy on finding Red John. Only his motivation had changed, his quest of vengeance now upstaged by his need to find her. All he could think about was her. Most people in the CBI presumed she was long dead by now as Red John never left anybody alive. It didn't stop her team to do everything they could to find her and to keep hoping until they did.

One month, after her disappearance, Bertram came to the bullpen to let them know that they would start working other cases again and Jane lost it. Like an enraged animal, he lashed out calling him an insensitive bastard. Rigsby had to step between them before they pummel each other. The team had managed to appease the situation this time but they knew with every passing minute Jane was getting closer to blow up. Without Lisbon there, he was unhinged, there was nothing to keep him sane and to counterbalance his obsession. Van Pelt tried her best to help him and pacify him. She fed him, forced him to clean up and to sleep when he was getting out of control. Lisbon would have been proud of the way the young cop kicked his ass sometimes. But even with the team behind him, Jane was the shadow of himself. There was nothing charming about Patrick Jane these days physically or mentally. He arbored greasy long locks and a bushy beard. His impeccable vest and suit were now a faraway memory. He just wore a rumpled white shirt and blue pants and looked like a hobo.

He became a permanent fixture in the CBI, always on his couch with a mountain of papers, looking for clues in the Red John files. He had missed something he was certain of it. He refused to work any other cases until they found Lisbon and wouldn't budge even after Bertram insisted on his collaboration. Nothing mattered but finding Lisbon. The whole team had taken her disappearance hard. Since it happened, nobody had slept more than a couple of hours in a row. They had been on high alert investigating every lead that could bring them to Lisbon. Van Pelt cried a lot, Rigsby wasn't so hungry and Cho was Cho. They all dealt with it differently but somehow they had managed to cope as a team. They all missed her terribly but only Jane was unable to function without her. They all knew why. Their consultant was a man in love. He couldn't hide behind a mask anymore, he couldn't fake nonchalance as Lisbon's life was in peril.

The morning they found her, the bullpen was silent. The tapping of fingers on keyboards were the only sounds filling the air, lulling Jane into sleep. He was resting on his couch buried under a blanket of papers after a sleepless night when Cho walked quickly passed Rigsby and Van Pelt and abruptly shook him awake.

"Jane, wake up" Cho said loudly.

Startled, Jane sat up making all the files spill on the floor. He groaned as he took in the determined look in Cho's face.

"Cho, I told you I'm not going to Napa for that case. I'm not working any other cases anymore." Jane replied sleepily as he rubbed his eyes.

"It's not that. You received a letter… it's him"

Cho handed a red envelope to a suddenly very pale Patrick Jane. He swallowed hard as he opened it. The card inside revealed an address: 42 Allen Rd and a message. Blood drained from his face at the words "Come and get your present", his stomach threatening to empty. Suddenly the thought of finding Lisbon wasn't so appealing anymore, the finality of it terrified him, knowing that he would likely find her dead body. There would be nothing left.

"Let's go" Cho said taking Jane out of his sordid thoughts.

The team took one vehicle and it was utterly silent in the car, the four of them scared beyond words. Jane was even paler now and his whole body shook in anticipation. He could hear his heart thumping loudly in his chest, and he had the vague thought that he should enjoy the last moments when there was still hope. If she was dead, this was it for him, he would not see any reason to continue. There was so much loss a man could take.

They finally arrived at the address. It was an abandoned warehouse, tagged with graffitis on the walls. They agreed beforehand that Jane would come with them on the condition that he too wore a Kevlar vest. They knew that Jane wouldn't be able to stay behind with Lisbon's life on the line. Guns drawn in front of them, they ran quickly toward the door. Cho turned the door handle slowly. The metal door creaked open and the first thing they saw was a bloody smiley face in the wall in front of them at the far end of the warehouse. It was empty but squatters had been there. Cardboards, plastic bags, needles and condoms were spread across the floor. They proceeded cautiously as they approached the wall. Suddenly, Jane ran towards it without any protection. He saw her.

"Jane, stop … It could be a trap" said Cho running after him. Rigsby and Van Pelt quickly followed and stopped at Jane sudden cry of agony.

Jane fell like a rag doll, his legs stopping to support him. On his knees, he bent his head forward and puked his guts out. In shock, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt stood silent behind him. His head finally went back up and he cried like a child at the vision in front of him. Lisbon or what was left of her was lying on cardboards like some discarded trash. She only wore a t-shirt covered in blood and an underwear. She was dirty, her legs and arms covered in cuts. But worst of all she was skeletal, she couldn't weigh more than 70 pounds. She had been starved and tortured. Her pale face and purple lips left no doubt that she was dead. Jane sobbed loudly as he laid beside her, vomit still in his beard. He held her cold hand reverently and kissed it while Van Pelt and Risgsby cried in each other's arms. Cho kneeled down, tears in his eyes and pushed a strand of hair of her neck. His eyes went wide as he felt a weak pulse under his fingers.

" Call an ambulance...She's alive" Cho yelled.

A/N: I hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think. Reviews are appreciated.

Next chapter - Lisbon wakes up and discovers Red John's present to her.


	3. Chapter 3 : Back to life

**Hi guys, I just wanted to thank you for all the reviews/ favourites/ and follows for the last chapter. It means a lot to me that you are interested in my little story.**

Chapter 3: Back to life

The wait at the hospital was intolerable. Jane was restless. He was pacing incessantly in the waiting room. Back and forth, back and forth. Rigsby's brows furrowed as he lost count of how many times Jane had done so. Was it 523 or 524? Cho sighted as his patience was getting thin. Jane was driving them all crazy but Cho couldn't blame him, not after what they all went through. Jane was still high on adrenaline after realizing Lisbon was alive and he was just holding by a thread to his sanity. His whole body radiated with negative energy, his fingers fidgeting incoherently at his sides. Van pelt wondered vaguely if he wasn't about to have another meltdown as she looked at his eyes wild with anguish and his twitching hands. At the warehouse, the team had a glimpse of what would become of him should Lisbon die and it wasn't pretty.

When Cho was about to snap at Jane, his pacing getting seriously on his nerves, a doctor walked towards them, a serious look on his face.

"How is she?" Van pelt asked as she abruptly stood from her chair.

" She is in a coma. The extreme dehydration and malnourishment that she experienced as well as the abundant blood loss, due to her multiple wounds made her organs start shutting down. " The doctor answered.

"Is she going to be ok ?"

" The next 72 hours will be critical. She has a 50/50 chance of survival at this point. But she is strong, her body has suffered a lot and she is still here." The doctor answered reassuringly.

" Lisbon is a fighter, she will pull through" Rigsby added as the rest of the team nodded.

"Can we see her?" Jane asked, longing in his eyes.

" Yes, but only one at a time". The doctor replied before he left.

" Jane, you go first." Cho said as he sat back down.

* * *

Jane opened the door and quietly approached the bed where Lisbon was resting. His heart sank as he looked at her arms covered in bandages. She was so pale, and fragile, so different from the Lisbon he used to know. Tears fell on his cheek as he caressed her cadaveric face, her skin still soft on her protruding cheekbones. He sat down beside the bed and took her hand in his. His head went to rest on their intertwined hands and tears flooded his eyes. He sobbed loudly, unable to control himself anymore. He had missed her so much. Somehow It felt cathartic, like the pressure that had built up for months was suddenly slowly getting released. He lifted his head up as his breathing became more even, the last couple of sobs still shaking his frame. He sniffed and rubbed his eyes on his shirt sleeve. He looked at their joined hands and he started caressing her hand gently, drawing small circles on the back of her hand with his fingers. He hoped that it would soothe her, that maybe her subconscious would feel his presence at her side and let her know she wasn't alone. Surprisingly, he found the contact with her hand appeased him instead. His whole body slowly stopped shaking and he felt more in control of himself with each swipe of his fingers on her skin. Her presence always had a calming effect on him. After all these months, she was there with him, he could finally touch her, but most of all there was still hope.

" Lisbon, please come back to me. " he pleaded

* * *

For the next couple of weeks, Jane stayed with her in the room. He couldn't leave when he had just found her again. He was too scared that something might happen when he was gone. She could wake up alone or worse she could die alone. He pestered all the nurses and doctors as he practically moved in her hospital room. He wanted to know everything about her treatment, her meds, barely leaving the room when they needed to clean her wounds or to attend to her hygiene. Jane was obsessively paranoid. He didn't trust anyone, terrified at the idea that Red John might want to finish the job. Nobody survived Red John. Ever. He was aware that he was making the nurses life a misery by constantly checking what they were doing and what was being injected into Lisbon but being in control of her environment was his only way to keep sane. Assuring her safety gave him something to focus on, taking his mind of the constant fear that he might lose her. After a while, the nurses didn't even looked at him when they took care of Lisbon. They just ignored him as if he was a plant in the corner. He overheard them calling him the creepy CBI guy. Jane would have found this amusing had the situation been different. The hospital staff would have gladly kicked him to the curb a long time ago but they didn't have a choice in the matter. The team had a court order entitling them to be present at her side at all times for her protection. Cho, Van Pelt or Rigsby were rotating shifts outside her door 24 hours a day. They stayed on guard, inspecting everyone that entered the room. They all created a safe environment for Lisbon to recover.

After a week in coma, Lisbon's vitals had improved dramatically. The doctor's prognostic was very positive. Her life wasn't in danger anymore and she was expected to make a full recovery. The whole team felt a huge relief at the news. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. With every passing day, they became more worried that something was wrong. After nearly 2 weeks in a coma, she showed no sign of improvement. The doctors kept repeating that her body needed time to recover and that they had to be patient. The wait was becoming unbearable. They all secretly wondered if Red John hadn't done something worst to Lisbon than just hurting her physically. What if he had attacked her mind like he did with Christina Frye. That would explain why he let her live. What would be more fun for Red John and his twisted sense of humor than giving them hope and then crushing it ? For the whole team, it became increasingly hard to stay positive as the situation was dragging on. They all had been through a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of months and now it was really getting to them. They were all running low on energy. On top of their round the clock surveillance, the team was worried about Jane. They brought him clothes, food and tea as he wouldn't leave her room. It didn't help his state of mind to stay cooped up with Lisbon all the time. They offered to take his place for a while and share the load but he wouldn't budge. There was nothing that could keep Patrick Jane from Lisbon right now, his obsessive personality now bordering on manic sometimes. Jane felt physically exhausted and emotionally drained as if he had no strength left. When he was ready to fall into despair, he just had to look at her and what she survived, and she gave him strength. These days, he was always a ball of nerves, even snapping at the team a couple of times. The only thing that seemed to soothe him was talking to Lisbon and reading to her. Rigsby had brought over her some of her books from her apartment. Mostly they were cheesy romantic books but it made him feel connected to her somehow. He discussed the books with her imagining how she would react, how she would laugh or blush at his comments.

* * *

Lisbon woke up to the long forgotten feel of warmth on her cheek and intense brightness of the sun. Her brain was still fuzzy with sleep as she listened to the repetitive sounds of a beeping machine and the soft snore of someone beside her. She was comfortable and warm, only the nasty smell of antispectic was disrupting her peaceful and relaxed state pushing her brain to restart. Suddenly, everything came back into focus, the dark cell, the torture, Red John. She became tense as she felt someone holding her hand. She tried to open her eyes, but the brightness was blinding. Her eyes fluttered opened and closed multiple times as her eyes tried to adjust to the light. Her vision was so blurry after all this time spent in the dark. She wondered for a second if she was dead and if it was heaven but quickly dismissed it as she wrinkled her nose at the chemical smell in the room. Finally, her vision seemed to clear and tears came to her eyes at what she saw. A curly blond head on the side of her bed. She couldn't see his face but she would recognize those beautiful curls anywhere in the world. A sleeping Patrick Jane was resting face down beside their joined hands on her bed. He didn't looked comfortable at all. He was sleeping half sitted on a chair with his body bent forward and his head awkwardly resting on her bed. Jane had found her and she was still alive. Tears filled her eyes completely as a wave of relief and joy filled her heart. Without a conscious thought, her hand started to caress his hand slowly. It felt so good to be with him. She immediately sensed when he woke up. His body became stiff and his head shot up. Their eyes met and they stared at each other in shock. Not a word came out of their mouth for a long time. She looked at him in concern as she took in his appearance. The bushy beard and the greasy long locks made him look old and dirty. She barely recognized him. Jane's heart hammered in is chest as he was utterly mesmerized by her emerald eyes. He thought that he would never have the chance to see her beautiful eyes again. He felt so relieved that tears fell from his eyes. After a moment, Jane saw her growing concern and gave her the broadest smile she had ever seen. Her breath caught in her throat as she was also overwhelmed with emotion.

"Jane ?" Lisbon croaked.

" Lisbon, you're awake" Jane replied in awe

" How long have I been out ?" Lisbon asked as she rubbed her eyes.

"17 days 3 hours and… " Jane answered as he looked at his watch. " 19 minutes" He finished.

Lisbon frowned.

" That long… how did you find me ? Is Red John…." Lisbon didn't finish her sentence but Jane knew what she meant.

" No, Red John is not dead… he sent us a letter and we found you in a warehouse"

Her brows furrowed and she felt stress shot back in her system, her whole body unconsciously tensing with fear. Jane saw her reaction and quickly tried to appease her, his hand squeezing hers.

" You're safe, Lisbon. Cho is outside and I won't let anybody get to you. I promise."

"Okay…" she answered as she exhaled loudly.

" How are you feeling?" Jane asked changing the subject. He didn't want to talk about Red John or what she went through now. There would be plenty of time for it when she recovered.

"Like a train run me over"

Jane nodded as his eyes went down. When he looked back up, his eyes were suddenly glossy.

" I missed you so much" Jane whispered.

"Me too" Lisbon replied softly. She had never seen him so open to her and it was refreshing. She smiled and he saw her eyes twinkle as she thought of something.

"You look like hell you know, the beard is kinda creepy" Jane burst into laughter and she followed after him. They laughed for so long that they had tears in their eyes, only this time it was of happiness.

"It's funny you're telling me that because I overheard the nurses calling me the creepy CBI guy, I guess they were right." Jane finally said as he finally caught his breath. She chuckled once more.

" Well that means It's time for you to go home. You stayed here long enough. Get some sleep, go clean up and get rid of that crap on your face, it doesn't suit you."

Jane frowned.

"You're sure…are you trying to get rid of me already ? Jane asked jokingly covering the slight hurt he felt.

As she read his face filled with concern, she insisted.

"No, of course not…Jane, Cho is here. I'll be fine. Take a break and come back later, ok?"

"okay…"

" Send Cho in, please. I'll see you later" Lisbon added. He nodded then stood up and hesitantly took a couple of steps towards the doors, never leaving her eyes. It was one of the hardest thing he ever had to do to. Leaving her now was excruciating but she was right. She was safe and he needed a break.

"I'm glad you were here with me" she said and gave him an encouraging smile. He closed the door behind him committing her smile to memory.

Lisbon had a busy morning. The whole team came to visit, hands full of flowers and get well cards. It had felt so good to see them all. It had been a bit awkward at first when they didn't know what to talk about. They all avoided the subject of her captivity and tried to act as normal as possible. They ended up sharing a few laughs, mostly about Jane and his caveman look. They also filled her in on the stunts he had pulled to annoy the nurses. She was glad they hadn't talked about her abduction or Red John as she needed time to process it herself. Being a victim wasn't something she was used to and she had to come to terms with it. After their visit, a middle aged nurse called Bertha entered her room. She froze for a second, a surprised look on her face. Her eyes searched the room for something or someone. Lisbon guessed it had something to do with her beloved consultant. It made her smile. Once over her shock, the nurse got rid of the catheter and other tubes imbedded in her arms. The doctors put her on a hyper-caloric liquid diet to start with since her body had to re-adjust to food. Her body felt sore and heavy. She had a few glimpses of her legs and was utterly distraught at what she saw. She knew how much her body had suffered but seeing it was an entirely different thing. As soon as the nurse closed the door, she tentatively put her legs off the bed. She just wanted to see if she could stand. She put her feet on the floor and pushed off the bed. Her body felt so heavy and her legs a little shaky but she sighted in relief as she still could stand.

* * *

Couple of hours and couple of magazines later, nurse Bertha entered her room again carrying a tray filled with bandages, lotions and medical equipment.

"Ms Lisbon, time to change your dressings. "

"okay"

" Where is your colleague ? " The nurse asked as she started taking off the bandages of her arms. Lisbon looked at the ceiling as the nurse spread some cold lotion on her.

" He went home" Lisbon replied, smiling.

" We were wondering if he had one" she chuckled then she added "your wounds are healing really well on your arms. You won't need a new dressing there. If you keep putting this lotion on the scars, you'll barely see them in no time." Lisbon nodded quietly.

Nurse Bertha then moved down her body and started working on her legs, giving the same attention to her thighs.

" It looks good there too. Your legs won't need new dressings either."

She then lifted her shirt and took the dressing off her stomach.

"It will take longer here. The cuts were deeper. I'll need to reapply a dressing" The nurse mumbled as she started applying lotion to her stomach. She squeezed the bottle but almost nothing came out. She tapped it on the palm of her hand but it was empty. " Hmm….I'm coming right back, I just need to get some more, ok?"

"All right" Lisbon answered as the nurse left the room.

She finally looked down from the ceiling and her eyes focused on her bare arms. They were laced with wide red lines. She slowly touched her right arm, her skin rough and bumpy. She sighed loudly then lifted her shirt and touched the scar on her bare stomach. She was surprised as the scar felt even wider and bumpier and it wasn't straight like the other ones. It had quite a weird shape she thought. As she followed it with the tip of her finger, her eyes widened in shock. Her heart hammered in her chest as she got up quickly. She stumbled out of the bed and barely caught herself on the doorframe of the bathroom, almost falling on her face. She looked in front of her at her reflexion in the mirror. For a second, she almost thought it was someone else. She closed her eyes and took a big breath as she tried to compose herself. Her hands shook as she pulled her shirt up revealing the scar on her stomach.

" Nooooo!" She yelled in agony as she discovered a smiley face carved deep in her stomach. The monster had marked her as his. She grabbed a glass on top of the sink and threw it violently at the mirror shattering it in a million pieces. She sank to the floor and sobbed in despair.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. Did you see it coming ? Was I too obvious with the title? Let me know what you think. Reviews are very appreciated. There are like little presents under the christmas tree :)**


	4. Chapter 4 : Recovery

**Hi there ...sorry for the delay in updating this story but RL has been crazy. This chapter is dark in certain parts, so buckle up.**

Chapter 4 - Recovery

Lisbon stayed curled up in a ball until the nurse came back and discovered her crying on the floor in a sea of broken glass. Nurse Bertha froze and yelled for help. Rigsby was there in a instant, gun drawn in front of him. He checked the bedroom and bathroom thoroughly as Bertha helped a sobbing Lisbon back to bed. Rigsby sighted in relief as he finished inspecting the room.

" It's clear…Boss, you're ok?" Rigsby asked concerned.

Lisbon breathed loudly, eyes closed, fighting for control. It took all the strength she had to pull herself back together in that instant. She finally opened her eyes and looked back at him. She wiped the tears still falling on her cheeks and gave him a small smile hiding her real emotions behind a mask. During her captivity, she had learned to fake, and under no circumstance show any emotion to Red John, her life had depended on it. Now it had become a second nature, a matter of self preservation. She couldn't tell the team that she bore the mark of the monster. She didn't want them to know and especially not Jane. What would be his reaction? Pity ? Disgust? She couldn't cope with him looking at her differently.

So when Rigsby asked her again what happened, she faked embarrassment at her outburst and told him. "I saw myself in the mirror… And I got a little overwhelmed …sorry to have scared you." It was mostly true but she didn't reveal the real root of her anger. Nobody could ever know what Red John had done.

" It's alright…you're going to get better, boss…you're one of the strongest person I know" Rigsby said reassuringly

" Thanks, Rigs" Lisbon replied with a small smile.

"I can stay and keep you company if you want" Rigsby said softly. She was touched by his offer but shook her head and answered "I'm fine now… really." He looked at her for a moment trying to make sure she was ok. She smiled at him again hoping that she was lying convincingly.

" Ok...Get some rest, I'll be outside if you need me" Rigsby added as he headed to the door, nurse Bertha following in his steps after finishing swiping the floor.

The tears started falling immediately after they left. She came to the realization that she would never be free of Red John, even if they caught him. Each time she would look at herself in the mirror, she would think of him. She had his mark engraved in her skin as if she belonged to him. That's why he let her live, so that even away from him, he could still have power over her and make her suffer. He would always be in her thoughts haunting her. It was as if her soul was still trapped in the dark cell and was condemned to never escape it.

She felt something cold and cruel spread inside of her, a dark shadow tainting her soul. She had never felt pure hatred before and was surprised by the intensity of what she felt. She was going to make Red John pay. At that precise moment, she realized how much he had changed her. She could never go back to the person she used to be. The old Teresa Lisbon who fought for justice and didn't believe in revenge was gone, she died in captivity. Now only existed this broken version of herself, someone who was now in complete agreement with Jane. Red John had to die. It was as if by carving the red tattoo into her skin, Red john had left a little bit of his darkness inside her. He had soiled her.

She felt asleep after hours of crying, physically and emotionally exhausted. She was suddenly awakened by the feel of someone touching her hand. Startled, she bolted upright pushing violently the hand away from her, adrenaline shooting through her veins. Her heart still hammered in her chest when she realized it was only Jane beside her.

"God…you scared me" she exhaled loudly as Jane looked at her concerned.

"I'm sorry Lisbon … I didn't mean to scare you… Jane said softly as he took in her extremely tense posture " Lay back down… And try to get more rest…. I'm here, you're safe"

She did as he told her and laid down but her body was now tense and unable to relax. Jane took her hand slowly again and draw circles on the back of it like he had done many times while she was in a coma.

" Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Inhale….Exhale…" Jane said gently.

"Jane, you're not hypnotizing me" Lisbon replied worried

" No.. Shhh…I'm helping you relax… close your eyes. Inhale…Exhale…" He reiterated

She followed his instruction and focused on her breathing as he massaged gently her hand. He stood up and she felt the bed dip on the side as he sat on the bed. Her heart jumped in her chest as his warm hands went to her temples gently applying some pressure there with his fingers. It felt good and relaxing. She kept her eyes closed as his fingers moved to her hair and massaged her scalp softly. A moan escaped her lips before she knew it and she froze, ashamed. Her body stiffened and she opened her eyes, intent on stopping him immediately.

Their eyes met and the words died in her throat. She was shocked to see in his eyes something she's never seen before. Desire. He kept moving his fingers in her hair, his eyes still locked on hers. The friction of his hands on her head, that had felt so soothing and relaxing only a minute ago were now sensual and arousing. The tension in the room was suddenly palpable, her ragged breathing the only sound breaking the silence. She swallowed hard as his knuckles came to brush softly the side of her cheek. She flushed as he caressed her tenderly. They both felt pulled toward each other and Lisbon wasn't sure what was happening. Eyes still locked on hers, his fingers trailed down until his thumb found her mouth. It ran slowly across her soft lips. Her breath hitched as he parted her lips with his thumb. Sudden heat pooled in her belly as he pushed it inside her hot and moist mouth. She was shocked for a moment at the pure sexual gesture, then she responded by sucking on it sensually as he closed his eyes for a second enjoying the heady sensation. He sighted in bliss then opened his eyes and withdrew his thumb from her mouth. He looked back at her, her eyes dark with lust. He leaned in slowly, and closed the gap between them as her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation. The first thing she felt was the tickling of his thick beard on her face then his soft lips on hers. The kiss was feather light at first, the softest and the most tender she had ever experienced. Then he pressed his lips harder on hers, his lips discovering every curves of hers, slowly and thoroughly. She put her hands around his neck pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding in sensually. She buried both hands in his long curls as his tongue tangled around hers. Her body hummed in bliss and arousal. Her hands fisted in his hair, holding him in place as they shared slow and languid kisses. He released her lips only to feast on her neck trailing open mouth kisses at her pulse point. His hand moved up her arm and reached behind her neck while he sucked on her earlobe. She gasped as he untied the knot of her hospital gown and tugged on it. Her body stiffened as she became immediately self-conscious. She grabbed his hand and held it still.

"Jane…I'm disgusting… We can't" she said panicked

"Shh…you're so beautiful…let me make you feel good" he countered, eyes full of honesty.

His hand moved slowly from under hers and she let him pull her hospital gown down her shoulder, kissing and licking every patch of skin he revealed. She shivered as she felt the cold air on her shoulder then on her chest. Cold was replaced by blazing heat as his hot mouth descended on her and sucked on her flesh. The rough feel of his beard on her skin mixed with the softness of his warm tongue was arousing beyond reason. His mouth skimmed over the swell of her naked breast and he leaned back, pure male appreciation showing on his face as his eyes glided over her chest and down her body. His brows furrowed for a second and he tugged a little more on her hospital gown leaving her completely exposed. She saw his desire filled gaze suddenly change and be replaced by one of pure shock and repulsion. He pulled way from her and stumbled back off the bed as he saw the smiley face on her stomach. She covered herself back instinctively, holding back the tears that threatened to escape.

"Oh god Lisbon, what did he do to you…" Jane said utterly shocked.

" Jane, I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how" Lisbon croaked.

" I'm sorry Lisbon…I can't" Jane responded as he rushed to the door. He turned and looked at her one last time before he opened the door, pity and pain showing in his sea green eyes. Then he was gone and she was alone.

She stayed frozen looking at the door for a moment, hoping that he would come back. Unexpectedly a cold hand grabbed her arm viciously. She didn't have the time to yell as another hand came to her mouth stifling her screams. Her whole body was suddenly covered by a heavy weight on top of her, pinning her to the bed. She tried to fight but he was too strong. The smell of licorice and smoke filled her nostrils and pure terror invaded her. Red John had found her again. He wore a dark mask and chuckled lightly in her ear.

"Teresa, Don't be sad that Patrick doesn't want you. I do. You'll always be mine"

She could barely breathe, her body paralyzed in fear as one of his hands started to roam her body while the other stayed firmly on her mouth swallowing her cries. He pulled a knife from his back pocket and put it under her neck, releasing her mouth.

"Scream and you die"

She didn't make a sound. She laid helpless and silent underneath him even as Red John grinded his erection against her, his hand squeezing her breast. Bile rose in her throat and she felt sick to her stomach. Tears fell from her eyes as she felt him unbuttoning his pants and put his zipper down with his free hand.

"I'm going to show you what it is to be with a real man." He whispered in her ears.

And that was it. She was at the end of the rope. She would rather die than endure this. So she yelled at the top of her lungs, even louder when his blade sliced into her neck, her weak arms pushing against him as hard as she could as crimson liquid dripped on her hospital gown. She battled with everything she had as pain reached new heights.

She vaguely heard Rigsby's voice calling her and suddenly she wasn't battling with Red John anymore but it was Rigsby's hands on her shoulders shaking her.

"Boss, wake up, you're having a nightmare". Rigsby's said concerned.

She finally opened her eyes and looked around the bedroom as if she expected Red john to jump out of his hiding place any minute now. She was covered in sweat, her body clammy and cold, her frame still shaking in terror. It was only a nightmare, she kept repeating herself as she tried to catch her breath. She met Rigsby worried eyes and noticed the fresh scratches on his arms. He saw her looking at them, guilt in her eyes.

"Don't worry about it, it's nothing boss…" He reassured her. She nodded but didn't say anything as she fought for composure, a big sob trying to escape.

" I can stay here if you want" Rigsby asked softly as he saw her panic stricken eyes. He was surprised when she nodded again, too shaken to conceal her emotions. She didn't want to be alone. She was scared. He stood up to turn off the neon light in the room so that she could rest.

"Don't…" she said panicked "leave the light on, please".

"Ok boss" Rigsby agreed as he sat back down. She closed he eyes and pretended to have fallen asleep. She fought exhaustion as her mind kept obsessing about her scar and Red John. She didn't want to sleep again, her subconscious mind proved to be a place even more brutal than reality. She was still shocked at how vivid her nightmare had been, she could still feel Red John's blade on her throat or the soft lips of Jane on her skin. Neither had been real and yet perfectly symbolized her deepest fears. Being rejected by Jane wasn't even in the realm of possibility since they were not a couple but before her abduction she had always hoped that one day he would look at her differently and fall in love with her. That dream had been destroyed by Red John leaving only anger and hatred in her heart.

Jane woke up in his motel room disoriented. He looked at his watch and couldn't believe he had slept almost 18 hours. 3 months of stress and insomnia would do that to you. He frowned as he recalled telling Lisbon yesterday that he would be back in the afternoon. He yawned and got off the bed and headed to the bathroom. He winced as he saw himself in the mirror for the first time in months. He hadn't realized before how decrepit and filthy he looked. No wonder he was scaring the nurses. He took his clothes off and headed for the shower. The feel of warm water on his skin felt heavenly. When he came out, he was completely relaxed and ready for a shave. His beard was so thick that he had to use scissors to clip it first before he could use his razor. He then put on a clean suit and headed to the hairdresser for a trim. By the time, he was done it was like the last 3 months never happened, at least physically. The flamboyant and charming Patrick Jane was back. He arrived at the hospital, flowers in hand, anxious de see Lisbon. Cho was keeping watch at the door and when Jane came in sight, the corner of the agent lips curled.

"Hey Cho" Jane said as he was about to open her door.

" And you are Sir? Do I know you from somewhere" Cho replied his arm blocking his path.

" Very funny Cho" Jane grinned as Cho lowered his arm.

"About time you cleaned up…couldn't handle the smell anymore"

Jane chuckled, then asked quietly. "How is she this morning ? "

"She's hanging in there. "Jane's face fell at the less than encouraging words.

"Did something happened yesterday after I left?" Jane asked concerned.

"She freaked out and broke a mirror. After 3 months in captivity, you can't expect smooth sailing. She also had nightmares during the night. Considering the situation, she's doing ok." Jane frowned at the news, suddenly scared to open the door.

"Get in there, talk to her, do your thing….take her mind of things" Cho told him encouragingly. Jane nodded and entered her room, surprised to see she wasn't alone. Nurse Bertha was there with her, inspecting her charts.

"Good morning Ladies" he said with the brightest smile he could muster.

"Hey" was all Lisbon could answer. His radical physical change since yesterday left her speechless. He was gorgeous. She blushed as she remembered his lips on hers in her dream. She cleared up her throat and added "You cleaned up".

"What acute sense of observation my dear Lisbon. Well, you asked me to and I didn't want to creep the nurses out anymore." He turned his head and looked toward nurse Bertha that was lost in her charts and not listening to their conversation. Then he asked:

"What do you think Bertha, can I pass now?"

Bertha lifted her head, looking very confused and replied "I'm sorry sir, have we met?" At her answer, his eyes twinkled with mischief. He looked at Lisbon and winked.

" What ? Bertha, after all our wonderful time together, you don't recognize me. I'm hurt" Jane said amused, turning his attention on the nurse.

"Want a clue ?" He approached her slowly like a predator approaching his prey and entered her personal space, his eyes locked on hers. Then he whispered seductively " creepy CBI guy". Her eyes bulged and her face turned crimson as she understood.

" Jane, knock it off" Lisbon scolded. The nurse, all flustered gathered her papers in a rush and left the room quickly. Jane laughed loudly as she closed the door, then looked at Lisbon. His face fell as he noticed her puffy and blood shot eyes.

" You didn't have to put her on the spot like this" Lisbon said scowling.

" I'm sorry." He wasn't really. The nurse had been mean to him and he'd wanted to give her a little payback but now wasn't the time to anger Lisbon.

" How are you doing today?" Jane inquired as he sat down on the chair beside her.

"I'm fine" she smiled reassuringly.

" Lisbon, no need to lie to me." He retorted seriously as he stared at her " Cho filled me in about the broken mirror and your nightmare last night."

Lisbon sighed loudly and decided to give him a half truth as he wouldn't stop until he got an answer.

"I saw myself in the mirror…. And I realized how much he took from me."

"Lisbon, I know it looks that way right now but you will recover soon. You survived this. I am here for you. Whatever you need. The team is here too. You will feel like yourself soon, I promise."

"You can't promise that Jane. What he took from me, I will never get it back. So don't tell me, it will be ok because it won't…. It can't" she bit back angrily. Startled by her own fit of anger, she calmed down and added "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't apologize Lisbon, you've been through a lot" Jane replied softly as he took her hand in his. It was shocking how this simple gesture soothed her. He waited patiently as he could see in her eyes that she wanted to say something important. He nodded, encouraging her to talk.

"Red john…"she started hesitantly then stopped. His name on her tongue sent shivers down her spine. She breathed hard and was about to try again when Jane interrupted her.

"Lisbon, you don't have to do this…not until you're ready".

"I want to…I need to…we need to find him" Lisbon replied with conviction.

She cleared her throat and started again. "Red john locked me up in a dark cell. It was completely black so I couldn't see anything. From what I could feel the cell was made of cement and it had a creaky metal door. It could have been in a basement. I never heard a sound so it had to be isolated."

She told him every detail of her morbid tale, every sound, every smell she remembered, everything except for the mark of Red John on her body. Once she started talking, the words just spilled out of her. She felt disconnected, almost detached as she divulged the horrible facts behind her captivity, as if it had happened to somebody else. She stared at the wall and talked until she had told him everything from her conversations to Red john to to the way he liked to torture her. She felt his hand squeezing hers when she shared the details of her agony but until the end she couldn't look at him, afraid that if she did, she wouldn't be able to finish her story.

She finally turned her head when she was done and was shocked to see her usually very composed consultant in tears, pain plastered on his face. She felt the urge to comfort him, smiling at him.

"It's alright… I'm fine" she said reassuringly and squeezed his hand. He didn't utter a word but stood up from his chair and pulled her into a hug. It was warm and comforting and everything they both needed in that moment. She revelled in his proximity, the feel of his breath on her neck and his soft hair against her cheek. She held him tight, unwilling to let him go and let the peace she felt in that moment evaporate.

 **A/N Reviews are very appreciated...Some people asked me if this story will have a depressing ending. Don't worry I like happy ending, there is light at the end of the tunnel for Lisbon. But in this chapter she was in early recovery and very traumatized.**


	5. Chapter 5 - From better to worse

**Hi there! Stoug here.**

 **First, Thanks so much to LouiseKurylo, MiaRRR, FMR, Yasmine, Mayzee, ocz555, Thorntons, Brooklyn79, Shoesarecool, Ozzie13, amberkley, FiascoWay, Ranita, Cleo and guest for reviewing last chapter. YOU GUYS ROCK !**

 **I know I took a long time to update but here is an extra long chapter. It's kinda dark again, beware sensitive souls.**

 **Not sure if everything is making sense but I needed to post it anyway.**

* * *

Chapter 5: From better to worse

Lisbon was starting to get restless in her hospital room. She was bored out of her mind and felt trapped like a lion in a cage. It had been more than 3 weeks now that she had waken up. Her body, unlike her mind, was healing fast. She had already put on some weight. Jane was coming everyday with an assortment of foods and sweets. He had made it his mission in life to expand her culinary culture as he said, bringing her all kinds of specialties from various countries around the world. He made her discover all these amazing dishes and took great pleasure in seeing her stuffing herself. She knew he partly did it to entertain her and take her mind of things. And it was working. When Jane was with her, everything seemed lighter somehow, her pain easier to bear. Bickering and bantering with him just came naturally and made her forget the darkness for a while. Ever since she had opened her eyes in the hospital, she had relied on him so much that it hurt when he went home every night. As soon as the door closed, pain and fear invaded her and it took all of her strength not to give in to tears when she was alone. She was determined to be strong and not let herself fall into self-pity anymore. She hated herself when she was weak. She felt like a victim then and that was not who she was.

Seeing Jane so attentive and tender made it even more difficult for her. He had become like an addiction. She depended on him to make her feel better, to comfort her, knowing that it would only be a temporary fix, like a bandaid on a infected wound. The darkness always came back because it was now part of her. She fought against it and relied on jane's presence to keep the darkness at bay. He was the light that brightened her days without even realizing it. The more time they spent together, the more she was pulled toward him. He was different since she woke up, more open somehow. He seemed to have drop his own mask and let her in. She even caught him staring at her a couple of times with something akin to longing in his eyes. She was also surprised by how much he touched her. He used to avoid physical contact with anybody. But now he kept holding her hand and caressing her hair softly and it gave her heart a reason to hope. She knew she was probably crazy to even think that he felt something more than friendship. He probably did all these sweet gestures for her own benefit. Most likely, he had guessed her feelings for him and gave her what she needed.

But even if by miracle he did like her, they could never be together. There would be no happy ending for her, the mark on her stomach would always prevent it. Jane couldn't be with a woman who would be the perpetual reminder of what he lost. She bore the symbol of what he hated the most in this world. Nothing could change that. Her head was aware of the hopelessness of her situation but her heart didn't listen. She felt constantly torn between hope and despair. Knowing that she couldn't have him only made her want him even more.

* * *

She was finally released from the hospital a couple of weeks later and allowed to return home. She felt relieved to be back in a familiar environment. She needed to re-build herself and regain some of her independence. 3 months in captivity and 2 months in the hospital made it seem like an eternity since she had the chance to just relax at home and be herself. She finally could drop the mask and try to move on. She had been locked up for so long that it almost felt strange for her to be able to do what she wanted and not being told what to do. She felt freer even if the protective detail was still present at all time outside her house. She didn't think it was necessary anymore as she was convinced that Red john had let her live on purpose. She could still recall her last conversation with Red John and was certain that he meant for her to live. He didn't make mistake like this. He could have plunged the knife deep into her but he had just marked her. If he had wanted her dead, she would be by now. His little game with Jane would have been over and he knew it. She had just been a pawn Red John used against Jane and nothing more.

After a week at home, Lisbon was frustrated with her lack of progress. She had thought that when she would be home, everything would be better. But nothing seemed to change, she wasn't appeased in any way. She still felt unhinged and scared. She was plagued with nightmares at night and developed a phobia of darkness. She needed the lights on at all time, particularly when she slept. Being in the dark only resulted in her having panic attacks. She had tried to force herself to turn the lights off, only to turn them back on, gasping for air and paralyzed in fear. She knew it was a form of PTSD and should probably seek the help of a psychiatrist. But the shame of her emotional state prevented her to do so.

She had a hard time keeping her emotions in check and for a control freak like her it was utterly terrifying. It was as if she was in a car at fast speed with nobody behind the wheel. This feeling of powerlessness led her to want to organize every other aspects of her life. Order gave her something to focus on and it reassured her. Her mind was occupied as she compulsively cleaned up her house from top to bottom. A neat house and clearly defined schedule helped her clear her head of all her chaotic thoughts. But in the end there was still only one thing that really made a difference and took the pain away: The soothing presence of Patrick Jane.

Jane still came to see her everyday, keeping the same schedule he had in the hospital. He brought some food at lunch time and stayed with her until night fall. She hadn't asked him why he still visited her everyday. They were best friends of course but his help had been above and beyond. She was happy he did or she would have gone crazy by now. She wasn't sure if he knew how much she was struggling when she was on her own, but if he did he didn't show it or talk about it. He was always good company, a little ray of sunshine in the darkness.

It was around lunchtime when Lisbon heard a knock at the door. She smiled as a warm feeling spread inside of her. She opened the door and Jane was there, a smile on his face carrying a bag of food that smelled delicious. She let him in as he put the bag on the coffee table. It was burgers, a nice change from all the exotic food she got lately. He was busy taking them out of the paper bags while she went to the kitchen to get some fresh beers in the fridge. She came back to the living room and found him already sited on the sofa flipping through the tv channels. She smiled at how domestic they had become in a short amount of time.

' What do you want to watch, there's that cop show we watched last week…' he asked enthusiastically

'Sure' she answered as she handed him a beer. She sat down beside him as he took a large zip of beer and sighted happily.

They ate in comfortable silence as they watched tv. The burgers were messy and half of the toppings were either falling on their lap or on the coffee table. He looked at Lisbon, and his lips curled at the sight in front of him. She was bent over the coffee table, trying to stay clean as mustard, salad and onions were seeping through the sides of her burger.

He giggled and she turned towards him. He was staring at her with a big smile on his face, mocking her. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief and put her burger on the table.

"Really ? You're laughing at me? Just look at yourself first ! You look like you've been shot" She laughed as she pointed at a big spot of ketchup on his vest. He grinned as he started wiping the spot with a paper towel, only to spread it even more and make a wider spot. She laughed harder and he thought it was really worth it just to hear her laugh like that.

"I guess they should include bibs with the burgers next time…" Jane said as he put down his paper towel on the table.

"One for you, at least… I'm doing perfectly fine" she replied proudly as she pointed at her perfectly clean shirt. "See, nothing here"she reiterated mocking him.

"I beg your pardon" Jane replied with a twinkle in his eyes. He moved a little closer to her and sat sideways on the couch, his knees now touching hers. Her eyes widened and her smile faded as he lifted his hand to her cheek. "But I believe… there is some mustard….here" Jane added as he wiped slowly a spot of mustard at the corner of her mouth with his finger. Unconsciously he stayed a little longer than he should have, brushing her soft lips as he wiped the mustard spot. Her heart hammered in her chest at his sudden proximity. She flushed, heat shooting through her veins as his finger lingered a bit on her mouth. She inhaled deeply trying to remain in control as sensual images filled her mind. Her eyes locked on his lips only inches away until all she could think about was tasting him. She completely lost herself in the moment and before she knew it, she leaned in to kiss him. It was at the same moment Jane chose to pull back as his attention went back to the TV, completely oblivious of her intentions and of the effect he was having on her. Her heart constricted painfully in her chest as if he had slapped her in the face.

"Look, I told you that guy was the killer" Jane said grinning as he leaned back in the couch and turned his head back to the TV. She stayed frozen in place and swallowed hard. It felt like ice cold water had been poured on top of her, sobering up her desire filled mind. Jane was just being playful and she took that as an invitation to kiss him. She was a total mess and clearly losing her mind. She felt something shift inside of her making her see things clearly for the first time. She realized at that moment that her dependence on Jane was what prevented her from healing and from moving on. He brought her comfort and kept the darkness at bay when she should have faced it and fought to get better on her own.

All these weeks, she had been convincing herself that with Jane's help she would be going back to normal and that he would heal her somehow. But the truth was, she felt as broken as the first day. She was unable to put the pieces of herself back together and Jane's presence was just covering that fact. She was lying to herself. As she looked at him peacefully watching tv, she realized all of this was just a fantasy, an illusion, nothing was better. Red john was still out there, she still had the mark of a killer on her body and she was still crazy for someone she couldn't have. By accepting Jane's presence with her everyday, she had chosen not to face reality. He was soothing and she revelled in the comfort and the tenderness he was giving her. She had been in this little bubble with Jane. It had been easy to pretend that there were more than friends and in that instant when his hand had been on her face she had believed the lie. He was helping her out as a good friend and she almost jumped him as a reward. But now it was time for her to face reality. Pretending it wasn't there wasn't the solution. Resolve appeared on her face as she knew she had to make a change. She intended to focus on her recovery and it had to start by getting better on her own. That meant creating some space with Jane. It would be hard and he probably wouldn't understand but she had to it for her own good before she did something she would regret.

* * *

Jane came the next day carrying a hot filet mignon in a bag and some nice French desserts with him. He was surprised when he arrived to her door not to see the usual protective detail outside. His brows furrowed when he knocked at the door and there was no answer. He took his lock pick and dropped his bag to the floor then entered her apartment. It was empty and silent. Nothing seemed out of place but it didn't stop the dread spreading inside of him. He almost expected finding a red envelope somewhere. He shook his head immediately to clear his thoughts.

He dialed her phone number, his heart beating frantically as he counted the unanswered ring tones until it went to voicemail. His hands shook as he sent her a text message. 'Lisbon, where are you ? I'm getting worried ". She usually answered quickly. He waited a couple of minutes then he called Cho. If he didn't know anything, then it would be time to really fear the worst. On the first ring, Cho answered.

" Cho, what's up Jane ?"

" Do you know where Lisbon is, I'm at her house and she's not in. She didn't answer her phone. The protective detail is not there either. Do you think Red John-" Jane said panicked. He didn't have the chance to finish as Cho interrupted him.

" Relax Jane, Lisbon is in Chicago, she left yesterday night…she went to see her brothers. The protective detail is with her…She didn't tell you?" He said a hint of surprise in his voice. Jane frowned at the news and stayed silent for a second.

" No, I guess she forgot" Jane said evenly trying to cover the hurt he felt. "Did she mention when is she coming back"

"No…ask her when you talk to her… Alright, I have to go" Cho replied quickly.

"Ok…thanks" Jane hung up and slumped on the couch unsure of what he was feeling. Relief that she was fine upstaged any other emotion but he still felt hurt that she hadn't mentioned her trip to him, like he didn't matter. During these last couple of weeks, they had become closer and he counted on seeing her everyday. He knew she would be fine with her family in Chicago but his mind couldn't chase the idea that Red John would take her again. Maybe after he talked to her, he would be able to relax. He called her 4 times that night and left countless messages. After waiting another day, she still hadn't called him back, leaving him confused and worried. He was already missing her and it only had been one day without her. It painfully reminded him of her captivity, of the constant aching in his heart. But this was different he kept repeating himself, she was safe and would be back soon. After 2 days without news from her, he resorted to sending her text messages after text messages hoping that she would answer.

"Lisbon, call me please… I need to talk to you"

"Lisbon, I don't understand… Are you ignoring me?"

"Lisbon, I miss you…please answer me"

He knew it was pathetic to keep harassing her but he felt helpless. He needed to talk to her and understand why this was happening. She finally answered in a text message.

" Don't worry about me Jane. I'm fine. I'll be back soon" and that was it. No explanation, no phone call, just this text message that didn't really mean anything. He felt suddenly empty. He had spent the last 2 months constantly with her, thinking about nothing else but her and now she was gone. He didn't understand why she pushed him away. She had called Cho after all but not him. He sighted heavily and went back to the CBI to work because he had nothing else to do.

* * *

The first week at her brother Stan's place had been pure hell for Lisbon. Her family kept hovering and asking her if she needed help all the time as if she was an invalid. They kept pushing her to eat and it hadn't bothered her when it was Jane doing it, but having all of her 3 brothers on her case drove her completely insane. She didn't need the aggravation as she already had enough of a hard time with her separation from Jane. It felt like detoxing, her body physically hurt as she missed him beyond words. She saw he had called her multiple times and could hear in his messages how distraught he was. She wanted to call him and reassure him but she couldn't. She was afraid that if she did she would lose it completely and cry over the phone when she would hear his voice. She settled for a text message to tell him she was fine. It had been so hard to leave but she knew it was for the best. She needed to face her demons and become herself again or as close she could be.

She had a routine that kept her mind occupied so she wouldn't think about Jane all the time. She spent hours working out everyday. She ran a lot and also went boxing. She was determined to become stronger physically than she had ever been. She never wanted to be a victim again. So she pummelled and kicked the punching bag until her knuckles were red and swollen. She never stopped until it hurt. She pushed herself harder every day, hoping that when she faced Red John again she would be able to defend herself and kill him. She still felt ashamed at how easy it had been for him to take her, a trained cop. It was like it was her own fault. She hadn't fought hard enough. She had so much rage and anger inside of her that it felt good to release some energy. When she was exercising, she didn't think, her mind was blank and focused on a goal and she felt in control. But as soon as it was done, she was plagued with negative thoughts. She went to bed exhausted and her nights were not restful either. She still had nightmares, even if they were less and less frequent. Her mind was more focused on fantasies she had about Jane. She enjoyed those dreams, it comforted her but in the morning it only made her feel worse, longing for something she couldn't have. After a month and a half in Chicago, she was in the best shape of her life but emotionally she was still unable to move on from what happened to her. Mostly, she felt depressed and angry and hadn't made any progress on that front.

She forced herself to look at her naked body in the mirror everyday. She thought it was the first step toward self acceptance and accepting things she couldn't change. The scars had faded a little bit on her stomach but they were still wide and bumpy. Instead of acceptance, she developed an utter repulsion of her own body. Without Jane there to brighten her days, she was swallowed by her own darkness. Nobody saw it, she was hiding it in plain sight. She was great at pretending, fooling her family easily. Only when she was on her own, she let her guard down and dropped her mask. But she knew Jane would see right through her, he knew her too much.

Lisbon was lying on the couch watching some TV while her sister in law, Karen was making dinner in the kitchen. The kids were loud and playing on the floor, jumping occasionally on the couch beside her. It was chaotic around her and she revel in it, taking her away from her sad thoughts. She wished she could be like the kids free and joyful. She loved watching them.

Her phone biped and her body tensed. She knew who texted her before she even took her phone from her pocket. These days only Jane sent him text messages everyday. She never answered but he never gave up. She looked at her phone and it was indeed a text from Jane

" Lisbon, I miss you. When are you coming back?". Tears came to her eyes before she knew it. She had been on the edge all week, she was supposed to go back to Sacramento next week for a mandatory psych examination before going back to work. She was scared that Jane and the team would realize how screwed up she still was. Would she be able to hold it together with Jane. She felt so unstable all the time, always on shaky grounds and if anything set her off at work, she was scared to lose control. She stood up from the couch as a wave of anxiety hit her. She took her purse and her keys and went to her brother's car in the driveway. The protective detail was outside keeping watch. They followed her as she started to drive.

Lisbon's eyes fluttered open and the first thing she saw was an ashtray full of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka on the night stand. She was lying naked in bed in a foreign room that stank of alcohol, sex and sweat. The room looked decrepit and the dark green paint was peeling of the walls. She was disoriented for a moment wondering where the hell she was, her head was pounding and she felt sore. She heard a soft snore behind her and she realized a man's naked body laid behind her, his large hand covering her naked breast. She shook her head to clear her head, then everything came back to her. Tears flooded her eyes as she carefully extricated herself from the body behind her. She didn't even look at him as she grabbed her clothes scattered on the floor and put them quickly back on.

It hadn't been her first one night stand and yet it was the first time she felt dirty and ashamed about it in the morning. She had lost control the day before as anxiety and fear had reached new heights. She had gone to the first bar she found, got drunk and followed the first attractive man to his apartment to have sex, in search of relief and comfort. They hadn't lost any time, they had ripped each other's clothes off as soon as they entered his apartment and barely made it to his bed. The sex had been hard and fast and she had enjoyed every second of it as she had pictured Jane thrusting into her instead of the stranger. Her mind numbed with alcohol had made it easy. All she had seen and felt that night was patrick Jane. It had been his tongue invading her mouth, his body pressing into hers, his hands on her body. But now as she looked around at this dirty room, reality hit her hard and indescribable shame invaded her. What had she done ?

Her thoughts were still fuzzy but she had some flashes that made her skin crawl. The man had been as drunk as she was and smelled of sweat and whisky. His touch had been rough and she had welcomed it and even encouraged it. But her mind had not registered any of this last night too focused on her own fantasy.

She heard the man stir in the bed and it brought her back to reality. She rushed to her shoes lying on the floor and shuddered at the sight of the 2 used condoms near her shoes. She was going to be sick, her stomach threatening to empty and she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or what she did that made her sicker. She put back her shoes on quickly and exited the apartment.

* * *

She flew home the same day. After that night, she couldn't stand being in Chicago anymore. When she thought her life couldn't get any worse, it actually did. She felt worthless and ashamed. She had slept with a loser while her pathetic brain fantasized about making love with Jane. She spent the next two days trying to regain a little bit of composure as she was expected for a psych evaluation the next day. She needed to go back to work, at this point that was all she had left. She prepared herself the best she could, spending hours rehearsing her answers. She had to pass the evaluation and for that, she'd have to put the best performance of her life.

Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as she parked her car at the CBI parking lot the next day. She stayed a minute in her car, rehearsing one last time, then slowly touched her cross with a shaky hand. She closed her eyes and exhaled loudly as her mind focused on her goal.

One hour and a half later, she exited the psychiatrist's office with a smile on her face. She had been convincing and he had believed her. It was surprising how easy it had been to trick him as her self-control never wavered. She was finally going back to work and everything would be better after that. She passed by the bullpen on her way to the elevator. It was like nothing had changed. Cho was at his desk and Jane was sleeping on his couch. Her heart swelled at the sight of her consultant nearby. Cho noticed her looking at him and he smiled as she approached.

"Boss, you're back" he said as he stood up from his chair and hugged her.

After a brief moment, he let her go. She smiled at him and answered " Yes, I flew back 2 days ago. I had the psych eval this morning."

" How did it go?" Cho asked curious.

"Great..I'll be back to work on Monday ." She replied smiling

"So glad to have you back boss… we've missed you… Especially that guy over there " Cho stated as he nodded in Jane's direction." He's not the same when you're not here"

"Yeah, right...he must be missing my yelling" she replied lightly as her gaze turned to Jane. Her face fell at the sight of his dark circles and disheveled appearance.

" He's been withdrawn lately and started to sleep again at the office." Cho added quietly

She could tell that Jane hadn't left the office in days, his rumpled suit and his heavy stubble were proof enough. He didn't look like the same Jane she left a month and a half ago.

" He's gonna be happy to see you. If you wait a bit, you may catch Van pelt and Rigsby. They should be back shortly"

A flash of guilt crossed her features before she covered it and replied quickly " I'm sorry. I can't stay… I have an appointment".

" You don't want to wake Jane up at least and say hello" Cho questioned, a little stunned by her unusual behavior.

" Let him sleep he looks tired, I'll see him on Monday" she replied as she started heading toward the elevator.

"Alright, see you on Monday, boss" Cho said as she nodded, a light smile on her face. She sighted in relief as the elevator doors closed. She didn't want to talk to Jane with Cho there, she knew Jane would have confronted her and she wasn't ready for this just yet.

It was 9 o'clock that night, she was watching TV trying to get the sight of her consultant on his couch out of her mind when someone knocked at the door. She immediately knew who it was and her heart hammered in her chest at the thought of seeing him again. She regained control of herself and carefully put her mask back into place. She took a big breath and opened the door. And here he was, Jane, a big smile on his face, his shoulder leaning on the side of the doorframe. She was stunned for a moment as if light entered the darkness once more. They stared at each other for a moment, both totally speechless. He smiled warmly at her as he gave her the once-over. She inspected him too. He had cleaned up since the afternoon, he was freshly shaven and in a nice dark suit that she couldn't remember seeing him in. He was handsome.

" Can I come in" He finally said as she still hadn't talked. She nodded and let him in.

" So you're back, uh….you look great" he said sincerely

" Thanks, what can I do for you Jane ?" She replied, her tone void of any emotion.

"Do I need a reason to come see you now. I just wanted to welcome you back, isn't it what friends do ? Or am I not your friend anymore?"

"Of course you are" she replied evenly.

" Then tell me why you've been ignoring me for the past month and a half. You left without even telling me! You didn't answer my phone calls or my text messages. Just tell me what I did to upset you. I need to understand, please" He pleaded.

"I'm sorry. You didn't do anything-" Lisbon started but Jane didn't let her finish.

"Don't lie to me " he interrupted, raising his voice.

"I just needed some space, you were here everyday and I couldn't-" she snapped back. She exhaled loudly as she felt her mask slip, her emotions coming to the forefront. She saw the hurt in his eyes and she turned away from him, as guilt added to the cacophony of emotions she was feeling.

" Why didn't you just tell me then" he asked softly.

" I don't know" she replied matching his tone

" But there's more to it. Cho told me you passed by the office today but you purposely didn't wake me up. You didn't want to see me, did you?" He stated with confidence as he went to face her again, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

" No that's not true" she answered weakly as he pierced her soul with his intense gaze.

" You were scared I would see right through you. And you were right. I can tell there's something wrong."

" I don't know what you're talking about" she reiterated again. Her hands started to sweat and she felt her whole body tense as he kept staring at her waiting for her to give in. Her eyes went to the wall behind him to alleviate the pressure he was putting on her.

"Lisbon, I admit you are a way better liar than you used to be and you may be able to trick the psychiatrist into thinking you're fine but it's me. I know you and I can still tell when you're lying to me. You're hiding something from me… Just tell me please…"

" Jane, I'm exhausted. Can we drop this please." Lisbon replied, her tone monotone. She held by a thread to her precious control as he kept pushing her buttons.

"Lisbon, stop acting like a robot… Everything about you screams that I'm right… I'm making you uncomfortable right now. I can see it in your posture and the way you touch your cross every two seconds. You can't even look me in the eyes for God sake." He said, anger rising in his throat.

" I have nothing to tell you. Thanks for passing by but now I'd like to be alone." She said coldly as she pointed at the door.

"No, I'm not leaving ….not until you tell me what's wrong" he replied with conviction as he crossed his arms across his chest.

" God Jane. I forgot what a pain in the ass you were. You want to know why I'm avoiding you because... you drive me crazy" she spat. It was meant to make him leave but it didn't have any effect on him. He just shrugged, a light smile on his face. At that moment she realized that's what he wanted. His plan was to make her angry so she would drop the act and finally tell him.

"If you want to make me leave, you're going to have to do better than that" he smirked.

"That's enough… Get out Jane" she yelled, her control shattered.

"No, I won't leave. Stop hiding from me, you don't need to. I'm here for you." he pleaded again

" I told you to get out" she said menacingly through gritted teeth. He stayed where he was, not moving one inch, even as he saw the fire ignite in her eyes and her hands turning to fists. He swallowed hard and was almost scared of her in that instant as she looked at him with something he had never seen her eyes. Hatred and rage radiated from her, a very dangerous cocktail that could explode at any second. He tried to calm her down as he put a tentative hand on her arm.

" Lisbon, I'm just trying to help you" he said truthfully

"If you trying to help me, get the hell out, why can't you ever listen?" She yelled as she pushed his hand away. Tears came to her eyes as she lost control.

"I'm just trying to be a good friend" he added softly and immediately he knew it was the wrong thing to say. She pushed him back and slammed him on the wall behind him. She grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and pushed hard against his windpipe. His hands flew up to her wrists as he struggled to breathe, coughing a couple of times. She held him there, her hands gripping his jacket, maintaining pressure on his throat. She could feel her blood boiling in her veins and anger overtaking her body. He was scared as he saw determination and anger in her eyes but he didn't back down. No matter the consequences, he needed to help her.

"You can beat me up if you want but I won't leave. There's nothing you do that can make me give up on you. " he reiterated through ragged breaths.

" Wanna bet?"

She pulled on his lapels and crushed her lips to his.

* * *

 **A/N Sorry for the cliffy but I couldn't resist. Lisbon has reached the bottom here. Lots of things will happen in the next 2 chapters with Jane and Red John will show his ugly head again. Reviews are really appreciated. They make me write faster ;)**


	6. Chapter 6 : Anything

**Hi there,**

 **First thank you for the wonderful reviews of the last chapter...They really keep me going. I'm sorry for the late update but I didn't have much time lately.**

 **Also I just created a new twitter account, if anybody wants to chat about mentalist stuff, fanfic, follow me at stoug23**

 **I hope you like this chapter.**

* * *

 _ **Previously**_

 _"I'm just trying to be a good friend" he added softly and immediately he knew it was the wrong thing to say. She pushed him back and slammed him on the wall behind him. She grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and pushed hard against his windpipe. His hands flew up to her wrists as he struggled to breathe, coughing a couple of times. She held him there, her hands griping his jacket, maintaining pressure on his throat. She could feel her blood boiling in her veins and anger overtaking her body. He was scared as he saw determination and anger in her eyes but he didn't back down. No matter the consequences, he needed to help her._

 _"You can beat me up if you want but I won't leave. There's nothing you do that can make me give up on you. " he reiterated through ragged breaths._

 _" Wanna bet?"_

 _She pulled on his lapels and crushed her lips to his._

* * *

Chapter 6 - Anything

Jane was totally taken by surprise by Lisbon's kiss and froze at the first touch of her lips on his. His mind and body had anticipated a hard blow or a punch in the nose but were totally unprepared for the rush of emotions that came with her kiss. It wasn't sweet or gentle, she literally attacked his lips leaving him breathless and dizzy, her passion more powerful that a punch in the guts. She poured all of her anger and desperation into it. Her mouth was hard and demanding, bruising his lips. He was so shocked by the ferocity of her attack that his brain went to mush and he stayed still as she had her way with his mouth. She grew frustrated at his lack of response and nipped his bottom lip drawing a little yelp from him. The sound he made brought both of them back to reality. Her hands immediately unclenched his lapels and she released him abruptly.

Lisbon's eyes went wide in shock as she realized what she had done. Jane was totally speechless for a change and blinked rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. Their loud breathing echoed in the room as silence grew heavier and more uncomfortable with every passing second. None of them dared utter a word after what just happened. Jane could still feel the sweet taste of her lips on his and wondered if his heart would eventually stop racing in his chest. His mind went hundred miles an hour trying to find the right words to soothe her, but came back totally blank. He was completely out of his depth and suddenly nervous at the thought of only making the situation worse. For once in his life, he had no clue what to do or what to say. Maybe he should just go home and come back when she calmed down.

Her anger had dissipated immediately and was replaced by shame as she looked at the red marks on his neck and his swollen red lips. But what really broke her heart her was the look of panic in his eyes. She had succeeded in turning the confident Patrick Jane into a vulnerable and nervous little boy. He avoided her gaze and his hands twitched at his sides. His eyes flicked to the door and then she knew he wanted to leave. She should have been happy, that's what she wanted him to do, but instead she felt utter despair. He was giving up at last, she was too screwed up and broken even for him. She felt bereft. She had lost it all, even her best friend. Tears started to fall on her cheeks and she wiped them quickly with the back of her hand.

Anger was out of her system and left her emotionally drained. She had no more strength. Her whole body was suddenly heavy as if she could physically feel the heavy burden of shame and pain on her shoulders. She couldn't even look at him and his scared little eyes anymore. She lowered her gaze to the floor as she waited for him to leave. Jane remained quiet and frozen in place. The silence was dragging on and she couldn't help wondering if that's how their relationship would be like from now on: cold and awkward. She had only herself to blame, she had ruined everything. She still couldn't believe that she had assaulted him in a fit of rage. For the first time since her captivity, she wished Red John had killed her instead of damaging her beyond repair.

She felt deep sobs build inside of her, threatening to escape. She needed Jane to go now before she completely lost it and broke down. Tears clouded her vision again as she said softly.

" You should go" Her voice cracking with emotion then she whispered "I'm sorry" in a barely audible voice.

She closed her eyes as she tried to bury her emotions deep down inside of her but she couldn't. She was so raw and tired of hurting that they kept coming back to the surface. She struggled for composure and she knew it wouldn't be long before she gave in to tears. She wrapped her arms around herself when she started shivering. She physically felt darkness filling her mind as cold spread inside her body chilling her to the bones.

A shot of warmth suddenly jolted her body as she felt Jane's warm hand on her cheek. Her eyes flew open as he caressed her cheek softly, wiping her tears with his thumb. He lifted her chin up with his finger forcing her to look him in the eyes. Their eyes met and she almost cried in relief when he smiled at her reassuringly with no hint of pity or blame in his eyes. When he engulfed her in a tight embrace, the sobs she was trying so hard to contain escaped of their own accord. She broke down loudly as soon as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Shhh…it's ok… I'm here. I'm not going anywhere" he whispered soothingly in her ear.

She clung to him like he was a life-saver, holding to her last chance of happiness. He was warm, solid and comforting. Once she starting crying, she couldn't stop, her frame shaking uncontrollably. She felt so much relief that she hadn't lost him after all she had done. He was still here holding her tenderly, tracing soothing patterns on her back with his hands. He gave her hope. His hug felt like being close to the fire after a long and cold winter. Once she was safely in his arms, she couldn't let go of him. She buried her face in his warm neck, his soft curls tickling her cheek, inhaling his intoxicating scent. He soothed her soul, pushing her back from the edge of the precipice. He tried to pull away but she held him tight, unable to let him go just yet. It was too good to be in his arms, she had missed him so much. He made her feel like nothing could reach her in the safety of his arms. She took deep breaths and started slowly calming down.

"Lisbon, tell me what's wrong…I can't bear seeing you so upset" he said softly in her ear. She shivered as his warm breath tickled her neck. Anger and pain had been pushed aside and she felt a brand new feeling emerging the more she stayed close to him. She became more aware of the heat of his body, of the feel of his back muscles under her hands and the softness of his skin against her cheek. She tightened her hold on him leaving no space between them, chest against chest, hips against hips. She closed her eyes in bliss as she reveled in his proximity. Jane didn't protest and kept petting her back slowly, creating heat wherever he touched her.

"Please stop shutting me out. You can trust me. Whatever it is, we can deal with it, I promise." Jane reiterated.

She wished it could be true but right now she didn't want to think anymore. She just wanted to stay where she was and never let go. She wanted comfort with no question asked. She needed him right now.

" Teresa, please. Let me help you….anything you need" he pleaded again.

Her hazy brain only heard his last words. Would he do anything for her? Would he give her comfort if she asked? She knew it to be wrong but she wanted him more than her next breath. She tentatively brought her lips to the skin of his neck and tenderly kissed him, lingering with her tongue, tasting him. The effect was immediate. He shuddered and his body tensed in her arms.

" Uh… Lisbon…it's not a good idea" he stuttered panicked as he pulled back from her. He didn't go far as his back hit the wall.

The loss of contact with his body was excruciating. She needed the warmth, the comfort. She needed him to make the pain go away. She would beg if that's what it took. Her dignity was long gone and she was so desperate to forget. Just for one night, she wanted to pretend that Red John didn't exist, that Jane loved her as much as she did. She looked at him, tears in her eyes begging him to give her what she wanted.

He swallowed hard as he saw the burning desire, hunger and need in her eyes, giving no doubt about her intentions. He was what she hungered for, what she needed.

" Lisbon-" Jane warned as she took a step forward and put her hands on his chest. Slowly, she moved them up his body, her captivating eyes penetrating his, leaving him unable to speak or react. His heart hammered in his chest as her hands continued their ascent to his neck bringing her body closer to his. He knew it was wrong. She was out of her mind and desperate, far too vulnerable to think clearly. She just wanted comfort. He had to stop this before it went too far and that they did something they would both regret. His head knew this but his heart desperately wanted her.

She went on her tiptoes and whispered sensually in his ear "That's what I need."

He shivered at the first touch of her lips on his neck. He stayed utterly still, his arms at his sides, trying his best not to encourage her. He felt an unfamiliar tightening in his pants and he knew he was doomed. He fought his body's reaction to her proximity as his conscience screamed louder and louder not to give in to temptation. What kind of man would that make him if he took advantage of her when she was vulnerable.

"Lisbon…no" He replied, his voice uneven "You're emotional and…" his breath becoming more laboured with every word he said " you will…. regret it." But his behaviour was contradicting his words. He was struggling for composure, his eyes fluttering as her hot mouth left goosebumps in his neck.

"Lisbon " he pleaded weakly as she continued her wicked seduction, licking and sucking ferociously on his flesh. His world was reduced to her kisses, his words of protest fewer and fewer. What was left of his mind kept repeating what a selfish and weak man he was to let this happen, she deserved so much better. He had to stop her but his body refused to obey. He was pulled in two directions, his heart and conscience in a fierce battle. It left him stuck in the middle, motionless, cemented to the floor neither welcoming her affection nor pushing her away.

" Lisbon.. it's a mistake….you're not thinking …straight" he panted but he still didn't push her away which she took as encouragement.

"If you want me to stop, you're going to have to make me" she murmured in his ear seductively.

He fought for control, his arms still fastened to his sides as she sucked hungrily on his earlobe. All the biofeedback tricks in the world were useless against the intensity of her onslaught. She evoked emotions in him so intense that they left him completely powerless to resist her. He craved her touch, his body starving for contact. For almost 10 years, he had avoided human connection burying his needs deep inside of him but now as she felt her mouth in his neck, he wanted to indulge. His ragged breathing didn't go unnoticed by Lisbon. She knew he wasn't indifferent as she felt his pulse speeding up at each swipe of her tongue. She grabbed his hair with both her hands pulling his face forward. She held him firmly in place as his eyes met her sexy hooded eyes dark with desire. Then she slowly leaned in and sensually licked his lips coaxing his mouth to open. His lips stayed tightly closed as his last shred of self-control held on. She was disappointed by his lack of response, wondering if he would ever respond to her or if that's all she would get from him. She kissed him softly one last time, taking his bottom lip between her lips and sucked gently.

As she was about to release him, an involuntary moan of pleasure escaped his throat. It ignited a fire inside of her, encouraging her to pursue. She tightened her hold in his hair, both hands fisting in his curls, her kisses becoming hungry and demanding, her mouth hard on his. Lisbon kept kissing him and rubbing against him, so hard he gasped. She sighted in relief into his mouth as she felt the proof of his desire against her belly. His resistance was futile as her passion was relentless. She devoured his lips and pressed into him, fierce and insistent until he surrendered. And it never felt so good to surrender. He parted his lips and let her tongue invade his mouth greedily. It was like being hit by a train, her passion took his breath away, a wave of heat coursing through his veins. No one had ever made him feel that wanted before in his life. The world disappeared around him, only her tongue, her mouth and the pleasure she gave him seemed to exist. He moaned loudly as she caressed his tongue with hers and swirled around it. Her kisses were wicked and passionate and he couldn't remember having ever been this turned on only by a kiss.

When Jane finally kissed her back, Lisbon melted against him, her body aflame with desire. He was tentative and tender just like she imagined he would be. The slightest touch of his hands on her shoulders had her dizzy with want. His soft lips moulded hers perfectly and she felt the fire inside of her burn even harder. They shared searing kisses, their tongues sliding against each other's frantically. Lisbon pulled roughly on his hair to angle his head, trying to deepen the kiss even more. She savoured every inch of his mouth and couldn't get enough of his taste, she needed more. They both breathed hard as her hands released his hair only to attack his clothes. He stood still as she started on his jacket. He was overwhelmed and unsure of himself as he hadn't touched a woman in a decade. She took control for both of them and removed quickly his jacket off his shoulders and threw it on the side before grabbing both sides of his vest and yanking hard making all the buttons fly. She was in a frenzy, eager to get rid of all these layers and touch his bare skin. She yanked his shirt open and before he knew it both her hands were gliding over the planes of his chest. He sighted in bliss at the heady sensation, his back hitting the wall for support.

The vision of his broad tan chest and well defined abs made her senses go into overdrive. She brought her hot mouth to his chest while her hands roamed his body greedily, leaving of trail of goosebumps in its path. She wasn't gentle with him, she feasted on his torso with her lips and teeth while digging her nails into his skin as her need was too strong to be contained. She had a hunger for him that couldn't be sated, a hunger that kept growing with each inch of skin she tasted.

She drowned in him, losing all perception of the outside world. As she kissed and nipped at his over sensitized skin, she felt his erratic breathing and moans of pleasure vibrate through his chest. It fueled the fire inside of her even more. In the back of her mind, she knew she should take it slow and be gentler with him. He hadn't been with a woman in years and she could sense his shyness and awkwardness as he brought his trembling hands behind her head holding her close to his body as she drove him mad with her tongue.

His head fell back against the wall and his eyes closed as she took hungrily one of his nipple in her mouth, circling it with her tongue, biting playfully the hard peak with her teeth. He moaned loudly as she sucked on it repeatedly until he couldn't take it anymore. She released him and gave the same ministrations to the other nipple. She revelled in the power she had over him, his body putty in her hands. She loved how he leaned into her touch, how she could make him moan with a touch of her tongue. He had been so deprived of affection that his body was now aching to be touched.

Jane was consumed by pleasure, his body awakening under her touch. He felt drunk on sensations, completely addicted to her already. There was nothing but Lisbon in that moment, lost in an alternate state where is mind felt at peace for the first time in years.

In love like in any other aspect of her life, Lisbon was an amazing combination of strength and softness. She was raw passion with her passionate kisses, her love bites, her hard sucks on his skin but she was also sweet, able to be so tender and loving that it almost made him weep. She touched him like no woman had ever before. He was in a trance, unable to do anything but take what she was giving, her hot mouth on his skin the only thing that mattered. He sighted in bliss as she kissed every inch of his stomach continuing her descent to where he needed her the most.

When she finally reached his pants, she rose back up and looked at him. Eyes closed and head bent back, he was offering his body to her, trusting her. His chest was heaving furiously and his face radiated with contentment. She cupped his face and brought her lips to his, her tongue plunging in between his already parted lips. Her kiss was slow and hot as she lowered one hand down his chest, then down his stomach and unbuckled his belt. His body tensed anticipating what was to come. She leaned away and they looked at each other, their gaze feverish with desire.

She opened the button of his slacks, eyes still locked on his and then slowly put his zipper down. Jane lowered his gaze and followed her hand as it disappeared inside his pants. His body jerked when she reached his underwear. At the first touch of her fingers on his hard length, his knees almost buckled under him, unused nerve endings coming back to life. She lowered his pants and underwear to his hips and freed his throbbing hardness. She stroked him slowly and gently at first, looking him in his eyes as she pleasured him. His eyes rolled back in his head and fluttered shut as she quickened the pace with her hand. The sight of him like that was so exhilarating and surreal as he relinquished all control to her, leaving himself at the mercy of her desires. She felt intoxicated by his moans and the way his body trembled under her fingers. She kept stroking him harder and faster, trying to draw even more reactions from him. She brought him to the edge then pulled him back, his whole frame shaking and his breathing loud. She slowed her pace and he groaned as she released him.

She took his hand and led him to the couch. As soon as they faced it, she pushed him and he fell awkwardly on his back. She quickly got rid of the robe she wore and was about to get rid of her shorts when she looked back at him. He laid there half naked, his pants and underwear still mi-tights and his shirt and vest hanging wide open. He was staring at her, his chest rising and falling quickly. His hair was a sexy mess and his cheeks were flushed. Her gaze trailed down his body and she frowned at the sight of all the angry red marks she had left on his body.

She had been rough without even realizing. She couldn't help but feeling ashamed again at her lack of control. He was giving her the comfort she asked for and in return she treated him like a piece of meat. She couldn't even have sex with him without hurting him, marking him. Suddenly, a chill ran down her spine as the irony struck her. She had marked Jane like Red John had marked her.

Jane saw the emotions suddenly change on her face, going from lust to shame then to regret in a instant. She stopped undressing and stared at him as if she had seen a ghost. She only wore a tank top and shorts and the sight of her bare skin made his blood boil. She was strong and fit yet had beautiful soft curves that he was aching to touch. He wasn't sure why she had stopped and what was bothering her but he didn't like where this was heading. His need for her was becoming unbearable. He would die if they had to stop now. He felt like a junkie without his dose.

Desperate, he took her hand gently with his and put it on his chest, showing her what he wanted. When she still didn't react, he moved her hand for her, caressing his own chest with her hand, making her feel his heart racing under her palm. He looked at her begging her to continue. After another instant he pulled gently on her other hand so that she sat on the couch beside him. His shy fingers trailed up the soft skin of her scarred arms. She tensed and was a little self conscious for a moment then she looked at his dark eyes and all her fears vanished. He liked what he was seeing. He brought both his hands behind her head entwining his fingers into her soft hair and pulled her to him slowly. She expected a soft kiss but was surprised when he crushed his lips to hers, his tongue sliding in. She moaned as she felt for the first time his need for her. She sighed in relief when she realized he wanted this as much as she did. He was possessive and passionate, plundering her mouth. She could taste the lust and need on his tongue, both of his arms tight against her back, pressing her breasts against his chest. He sucked on her tongue and she pushed all her sordid thoughts out of her mind as heat spread to her core once more.

A sight fell from Jane's lips as she straddled him with her strong tights. She could feel him hot and hard between her legs, just one layer of fabric preventing their joining. They kept kissing deeply and urgently as she grinded her hips against his erection. They both groaned at the sensation and without wasting another second Lisbon moved one leg up after the other and removed her pair of shorts and underwear leaving her naked from the waste down. She had no intention of removing her tank top as it would reveal the mark that would ruin everything.

She took his erection in hand and positioned him at her entrance. She towered over him for a moment and looked at him in the eyes as she slowly lowered herself onto him until he was buried deep inside of her. She savoured the sight of him, face contorted in pleasure, body tensing and muscles rippling under his skin covered by a sheer of sweat. He was glorious and right now he was all hers.

It had been so long since he had made love to a woman that when she descended on him, engulfing him in her soft heat, he almost came on the spot. The world went black, he felt an explosion of sensations overtaking his body. It was so much pleasure, he almost couldn't take it, he held on by a thread, trying his best to avoid complete humiliation.

She started to move slowly, aware that he was trying to regain his balance. His muscles started to relax and she began to move up and down his length. She really had to use all her self control not to slam herself on him and dig her nails into his chest. She felt passion and desperate need rise inside of her but she promised herself that she wouldn't give in to those basic instincts that led her to mark him moments before.

It was pure torture to take it slow but if that's what he needed then that's what she would give him. Jane tested her self control as his hands started to glide up her legs slowly. It was only featherlight touches but she couldn't help quickening her pace a bit trying to relieve the ache between her tights. His hands stopped at her waist for a second then went to cup her soft behind. Both his hands were splayed across her butt cheeks, squeezing and pushing down at each time she lowered herself on him. The added friction had her gritting her teeth trying to maintain her painfully slow rhythm.

She could tell his hands were getting bolder and bolder, his touch more insistent and less hesitant with every swipe of his fingers. His dark eyes were locked on his breast swaying a little as she moved. She knew he wouldn't be long before he would try get her shirt off when his fingers toyed with the hem of her tank top. In a quick move, she took both his wrists and pinned them beside his head, her body now flushed with his. They both groaned at the new sensations this position created. She tried to resume her slow rhythm but when Jane lifted his head up and plunged his tongue hungrily in her month, there was nothing she could do to reign her urges. Her hands tightened around his pinned wrists and her hips rocked harder and faster without a conscious thought on her part. She let go completely allowing her body to take over. She reciprocated his kisses fiercely swallowing his moans with her mouth until they were both breathless. She went to bury her head into his neck as she kept rocking vigorously. He was barely holding it together, she could tell. His body was tense and each time her hips slammed into him, he moaned loudly and his hips jerked. His eyes were close and on his face was an expression of deep concentration. She was getting close to the edge too, she could feel the delicious heat starting to spread inside her as their coupling became more intense.

She released his wrists and his hands immediately went to grab her hips increasing her speed and the friction between their bodies. His grip was hard as he pushed and pulled again and again, hitting a spot that made Lisbon cry in pleasure at each time. Lisbon lost control of her body, gripping his hair tightly with one hand and digging her nails in his neck. Her rhythm faltered suddenly as she was engulfed by an earth shattering orgasm. It was like nothing she ever felt before, the pleasure so overwhelming she almost blacked out. She lost all awareness of everything around her including Jane still moving her hips, prolonging her orgasm. Jane came soon after, screaming her name. His hips jerked erratically to a stop as his warmth filled her.

He wrapped her arms tenderly around her and Lisbon felt good for the first time in months. They both had a smile on their lips as they tried to catch their breath. He couldn't believe they just made love. He didn't regret it and she didn't seem too eager to move so she probably didn't either. She was still splayed on top of him, eyes closed, her face in his sweaty neck. She let herself savour the moment hoping it would never stop. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a long time simply enjoying the comfort and the closeness. She felt calm and able to see her situation with sudden clarity. She had to tell him. She hoped he would understand. Not now though, she was tired and didn't want to break the moment. Tomorrow she would tell him.

When Lisbon opened her eyes the next day, she was lying comfortably in her bed with a wonderfully soft pillow. She looked at the clock and it was 5 o'clock in the morning. She had slept more than 6 hours and couldn't remember the last time it happened. It was all due to her handsome consultant who was sleeping peacefully under her. Her bedside light was on and lit his face. She still couldn't believe that Jane had stayed last night. Her fingers started to trail lightly on his chest trying to find a nice way to wake him. They glided across his stomach and froze suddenly. Her eyes widened in shock and dread filled her as she noticed a red envelope beside her night light. It hadn't been there before they went to bed. Red John had been in her apartment… or maybe he was still here lurking in the shadows.

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 **A/N: I never thought it would be that hard to write a sexy scene. I almost blushed writing it ;)**

 **I hope you didn't think they would be happy already ? Red John is coming back with a vengeance in the next chapter. More angst to come I'm afraid.**


	7. Chapter 7 : Red Letter

**Hi there,**

 **Long time no update I know. Same excuses as usual : RL, vacations, loss of mojo... I'm not a fast 'updater', I'm afraid but I promise to finish this story. Anyhow, I hope you'll like this chapter. It starts where I left off. Not sure everything is making sense, sorry for any mistake. Enjoy !**

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Chapter 7- Red letter

A shiver ran down her spine at the sight of the red envelope, carefully placed beside her side lamp. In an instant, all the contentment and peace she felt evaporated. She was back in her dark cell, back to play the part of the defenseless prey once more. Red john wasn't done playing with her. Even after all he took from her. She almost couldn't breathe for a moment as her lungs fought for air. All her muscles stiffened painfully as adrenaline shot through her veins, her eyes darting to every dark areas in the room, trying to anticipate any imminent threat. She laid there paralyzed, not daring to move a muscle, terrified that if she did, Red john would jump out of nowhere and kill them both savagely. Not even the warmth of Jane's body and the safety of his arms could prevent the terrible feeling of utter terror from invading her. Red john had been here. In her bedroom. He had seen them, together, in bed. The thought made her skin crawl at first and then it made her angry. Red John had intruded in their intimacy and by doing so, he soiled their night together. Maybe he had watched them, the sick bastard.

Once she caught her breath, her brain started to work again. She forced herself to regain some composure. She couldn't believe Red John was making her feel like a terrified victim again. She was a trained cop, a fighter. She could defend herself. She wasn't weak and starving anymore and there was Jane to think about. Oh god she needed to protect Jane. She couldn't be a wreck right now, she needed to be strong for him. Her limbs stopped shaking and her cop instincts kicked in. She lifted her head up from Jane's chest and kissed it softly before extricating her body from his. It was not without difficulty as his arms were wrapped tightly around her. It was excruciating leaving his warmth knowing that she would probably never be there again. She managed to escape and he groaned in his sleep as he turned on his side. She would have found this adorable, hadn't she been totally on the edge. She took her gun on the side table and the cold metal under her fingers calmed her down. It made her feel more in control. She took the red envelope and slipped it in the back pocket of her short before she started inspected her bedroom, gun drawn in front of her. She moved silently, slowly and effectively, her body ready to attack. She had complete awareness of her environment, focused on anything out of place. She meticulously looked everywhere the creep could hide...under her bed, behind the curtains. She breathed loudly as she slowly opened her closet door. Her nostrils flared at the faint smell of licorice and smoke. Goosebumps spread on her skin as she looked inside the dark closet. She turned the light on and exhaled loudly in relief as it was empty. Room by room, door after door she thoroughly inspected the whole apartment until she was sure that it was clear. She should have been relieved but she still had the nagging feeling of being observed…she felt his presence in her bones. That or maybe she just completely going nuts. She retrieved the red envelope from her pocket and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter. She opened the envelope quickly and started reading the letter.

 _Dear Teresa,_

 _I came to say hello last night. Imagine my surprise when I saw you attack poor Patrick and make him squeal like a young virgin. The way you took what you wanted and banged him without any consideration for his long celibacy made me see you in a new light. You have a far greater potential for greatness and darkness than I ever imagined, even greater than Patrick's._

 _I could have killed you both last night while you slept. But I refrained myself because I have great hopes for you. One day, you will join me. You will become my disciple, my ally. I know it may take some time for you too see the opportunity in front of you. Just imagine the power at your finger tips if you sided with me._

 _Right now you think this will never happen, but trust me it will. You bear my mark, you are MINE. Stop fighting it. The darkness I saw in you will only grow inside you until it swallows you whole. Not far is the day when you will look for me and beg to join me. You will be the one asking to be mine and you will willingly take me as master in your life and in your bed._

 _Although I thoroughly enjoyed watching the spectacle of you deflowering our Patrick, i'm afraid it can never happen again. I gave you last night as a present, a token of good faith in honor of our future collaboration. But I can't allow him to find any kind of happiness or respite. I need him to suffer. He will only reach his full potential if he has nothing to hold on to. Don't feel bad, It's not like he would want you anyway if he knew what was under your shirt. Don't let him believe in something he can't have. Get rid of him, send him away. Be cruel when you end it. I'll be watching._

 _If you do not obey, there will be serious consequences and it will be all on you. We wouldn't want something to happen to any of your precious nephews in Chicago, now wouldn't we? That would be truly unfair. Imagine your brother Stan coming home from work one day and finding his 4 beautiful children slaughtered, hanging from their tiny little feet, dripping blood on the white carpet. And all because of you._

 _You will do as I say and follow all my instructions from now on. The safety of your family depends on it. Don't even think about putting them under protection, that would be an immediate death sentence for them. Also, when you start work again, I will need your help on a case, just a little evidence that needs to disappear. I'll give you the details later. I'm excited to start this fruitful collaboration with you._

XOXO

;)

Lisbon was glad she was sitting because she suddenly felt dizzy and sick to her stomach. She looked everywhere suspiciously as she knew Red john was watching her at this very moment. She had felt his presence before but now she was certain he had planted cameras in her apartment. She closed her eyes for a brief moment to gather herself and when she opened them again she was calm and hard as stone. She wouldn't let him see how this was affecting her. She was strong and she wouldn't give him the pleasure to show any emotion.

She stayed impassive as she read the letter a second time. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she fully realized in how much danger her family was because of her. She couldn't believe what she read. How could Red John think she would ever join him? He was evil and would destroy everything she cared about just like he had done with Jane.

Red John had seen the darkness inside her and it was appealing to him. She wasn't like him and would never be like him. The thought was utterly repulsive. She was painfully aware of the dark shadow in her heart but what happened the night before came out of desperation and love, not from her darkness.

Red John's plan to manipulate her into becoming one of his disciples was pretty obvious. He would try to cultivate her darkness, forcing her to break the law, pushing the boundaries further and further until she didn't feel bad about it anymore. He was attacking her at the root of who she was: a cop first. But Red John underestimated her, she was a survivor, she wouldn't let him turn her into a Rebecca or someone like her. She would be patient, follow his orders until he trusted her. Then when they would meet, she would make him pay. It was the opportunity of a lifetime to finally get rid of him. It was her mission.

She heard the bathroom upstairs and knew Jane was awake. She put the envelope in her kitchen drawer and waited for him. She exhaled and prepared herself to execute the first part of Red John orders. Getting rid of Jane would be easy. He was predictable in emotional situations, he always avoided them. She could already see him all embarrassed and running for the door at the first occasion. And for once she was glad that he would give her the brush off, it would be easier to act on her plan if Jane wasn't there to study her every move at work. It was better to keep him at arm's length, prevent him from getting caught up in that mess. She had a beautiful night with him and it would have to be enough.

Jane woke up totally rested after a wonderful sleep. It had been years since he felt so at peace. He wasn't surprised to see that Lisbon was gone. Everything had happened so fast the night before. One minute they were screaming at each other, the next they were making love passionately on the couch. He had wanted her for so long that he had given in and he didn't regret it. Now that he had a taste of her, he couldn't imagine going back to only being friends. He knew it was dangerous and completely irresponsible to even entertain the idea of them being together but he couldn't help it. Yesterday night had changed everything. They would have to be careful with Red John still out there, they would have to hide. But it was worth it, they would make it work. He was tired of fighting his feelings for her and pretending that it wasn't anything more than friendship. He was in love with her and it was time to face it. When she had been abducted he fully realized how he couldn't live without her. She was the most important thing in his life. She needed to know that.

He heard Lisbon in the kitchen downstairs. Knowing her, she was probably beating herself up and freaking out about what they had done. She would expect him to flee quickly and pretend it had never happened. That's what he always did after all in the past when she got too close. He pushed her away, hurt her to protect her, but not this time. He would tell her that how he felt. He would also push her to reveal what she was hiding from him. He had forgotten all about it in the heat of the moment but now was the time to fess up. He would be the man she needed from now on. He splashed some water on his face and headed downstairs to see Lisbon without wasting another minute.

Lisbon turned her back when she heard him go down the stairs. She couldn't help staring as he only wore his black boxers, his fit body on display and his hair a sexy mess. She was stunned for a minute and had the circumstances been different, she would have taken him right back to bed. Their eyes met and she was surprised to see him smile warmly at her instead of avoiding her. She was even more confused when he walked quickly toward her and before she had time to understand what was happening he took her in his arms and kissed her tenderly on the lips. He was so warm, his lips so soft that it took a second before she put her hands on his naked chest and pushed him away.

" Jane, what… What are you doing ?" She stuttered anxiously in a high voice.

" Kissing you" he said smiling as he bent his head forward to steal another kiss. She put her hand on his shoulder and push him back harder.

" No Jane, you can't do that. " She stated firmly as she realized that this was going to be harder than she envisaged.

" Why not ? Yesterday night you didn't seem to mind" He smirked

"It was a mistake... You were right … I needed comfort and you were here...It can't happen again…" She blurted out, her heart breaking at her own words. It sobered him up and his smile fell from his lips as she saw the cold look in her eyes. He looked hurt as if he had been punched in the gut.

" I see … " he replied softly as he lowered his gaze to the floor. He looked around and picked up his clothes that were bunched up on the floor. She was relieved when he started putting them back on. He tried to button up his shirt but there were only 2 buttons left on it. His vest was not in much better state. She had yanked so hard she had popped most of the buttons during her frenzy. He lifted his head and saw her looking at him both thinking about their night together. He came back closer to her and said softly.

" Teresa, you don't need to be scared…I won't hurt you, I promise, if that's what you worried about."

" Jane" she interrupted him. She needed him to stop and get out before she lost her composure.

" Let me finish. " he continued "I know I have been a bastard with you in the past. I pushed you away when you needed me. I ignored your feelings and took you for granted so many times. I'm so sorry for that. I was trying to protect you... from me…from Red John. You deserved so much better. Then when you were taken, I realized how much you meant to me… You mean to me. What I'm trying to say Teresa is I…lo-"

" Don't… " She begged him to stop. It was the words she had hoped to hear for years and now she couldn't bear listening to them specially with Red John gloating in the shadows. She felt every one of his words slicing at her heart. Jane wanted her, she wanted him, yet they couldn't be together, a sea of dark secrets separating them.

"Jane, I'm sorry" she exhaled loudly, gathering her strengths then went for the kill.

"I don't want you" she had to force the words out. She did it for him, that was the only way to get revenge for both of them, get rid of Red John forever. She swallowed the bad taste in her mouth and said coldly:

"It was only sex, nothing more, it didn't mean anything".

He looked at her with glossy eyes, an expression of devastation and incomprehension on his face. He stared at her in disbelief for a long moment as if he couldn't understand what she was saying. How could he have been so wrong? Did his mind imagine her feelings for him then? He was so confused. He tried to read her hoping to find traces of deception in her eyes. But he saw nothing but emotionless green pools in front of her. All the warmth they always exulted gone from her eyes. He swiped at a tear that fell on his cheek and he put his jacket back on.

"I understand" he croaked as he slowly headed to the door, head down and shoulders slouched. He didn't turn back, he just closed the door behind him.

It had killed her to tell him these terrible lies. She felt as if she had just stabbed her own heart with a knife but she remained impassive as she went to the door. She put her hand on it and caressed it like it was him, soothing the wound she just inflicted.

She was lost in her thoughts for a moment thinking about what she just had done when the lights went off in the room leaving only the little light from the kitchen peer through. Her body froze in panic at the darkness. Cold hands grabbed her from behind by surprise, crushing her windpipe. Her hands went to her throat trying to free herself until she felt a cold blade on her neck.

" It's so good to see you again Teresa, missed me ? " Red John laughed.


	8. Chapter 8 : Red John

**Hi there,**

 **Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter ! I really appreciate your support. Warning: This chapter is violent and dark. So buckle up !**

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Chapter 8 - Red John

The tiny hair on her neck stood on end when she felt Red John's fetid breath tickle her ear and his cold blade on her skin. Her muscles tensed as she anticipated the pain to come. She submitted to him as he yanked her neck back with his arm and dragged her further in the living room. She couldn't make a move with the knife pressed tight against her artery. She breathed deeply as she tried to stay calm and in control when she felt adrenaline flood her system and panic overtake her, her limbs starting to shake uncontrollably. Red john smiled as he felt her tremble in his arms. It had been almost too easy to subdue her, he thought. She had not even put up a fight. All it took was the element of surprise and the cover of darkness to disorientate her. She was weak and soon she would join him. He had big plans for her.

"Oh sweet Teresa, don't be afraid… I'm not here to hurt you" He said as his blade went to trail up her cheek, contradicting his words. Her breathing was loud, his was too. He was enjoying it. She forced herself to answer, showing him she was no coward.

"Why are you here then? You came here to gloat" She croaked. She felt his body shake in amusement against her back.

"Oh no, I simply wanted to make sure you got my little message and that we were on the same page, that's all. I have to admit I really enjoyed how you handled Patrick. Great poker face by the way… And the way he left with his tail between his legs…oh that was priceless. " He laughed.

"I did what you asked. Now you will leave my nephews alone. Don't go near them, they're innocent" Lisbon blurted with a strength she didn't know she possessed.

"Oh little girl, so impatient…but you are getting a little ahead of yourself now. You did well … so far… and as long as you obey my orders, they will be safe, I promise …but-". He tightened his hold on her, wrapping one arm around her ribcage. Then he slowly pushed the tip of his knife into the flesh at her pulse point until drops for blood ran down her neck. Her breath hitched as she realized that if he applied slightly more pressure her carotid artery would be severed. He savoured the moment of her being completely at his mercy and whispered in her ear:" But don't be foolish and think I'll hesitate to slice them open and rip them apart if you don't show me the respect you owe me. You are mine, it's time to act like it." She shuddered at his words and he smirked under his mask.

"Are we clear?" She nodded weakly, not trusting her voice this time. He gave her no choice.

"That's better." Red john said softly. He relaxed his hold as he was certain he had total control over her.

"I'm glad we understand each other. It's for your own good, Teresa. I'm setting you free from everything that holds you back. From now on, you'll only have to focus on ME. Serve me in anyway you can and you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams. I am very generous to the people loyal to me… You could be the next director at the CBI if that's what you want. Imagine what you could accomplish if you took part in my organization, all the people you could help. Your family could live the lives they always wanted, no more debt, no more trouble. Don't they deserve the best after all they suffered over the years. You could do this for them, take all their problems away and make them happy"

Red john was a born manipulator but he was no Patrick Jane. He had about as much subtlety as a car salesman. Lisbon could sense from a mile away how he attempted to play upon her weaknesses to get through to her. He had tangled his web around her and made her fear him. Now he tried to convince her it was in her best interest to join him. How could he even think that after blackmailing her family she would fall for this? She was no more than a strategic pawn in his game with Jane. What could be more fun than robbing him of another person he cared about, just under his nose? Red John talked in a soothing almost hypnotic voice, a tone she heard Jane used so many times that it absolutely had no effect on her. It might have worked on a psychologically weak person but apparently he didn't know who he was dealing with.

As he continued his monologue, Lisbon felt his knife release her neck and his arm slowly drop to the side. He was overly confident, so sure she was under his dark spell as he whispered in her ear, his other arm maintaining her tightly against him. This was her window of opportunity, now or never. Why wait when she could end the game right now without following his rules. She swallowed hard as she realized she would die if she didn't succeed. She closed her eyes for a moment and imagined Jane's bright smile and the laughing faces of her nephews in her mind then her decision was made. She would sacrifice everything for them. She prepared herself to strike as she waited for the best moment. Red john had a false sense of control, totally oblivious of her plan and didn't see it coming when she suddenly grabbed his hand holding the knife and stabbed his leg violently. He yelled in pain and reached quickly for his leg allowing Lisbon to escape from his grasp.

"Bitch!" He said enraged as he pulled the knife out of his thigh, blood gushing down his leg. Lisbon was already couple of steps away ready to attack. Her vision had now adapted to the semi-darkness of the room.

When he lunged at her, she easily anticipated his move and dove out of the way just in time. She kicked him in the stomach with all her strength and made impact but not before his blade nicked her in the arm. She hissed in pain as he stumbled back. He recovered quickly and came back at her swinging his knife. Her foot connected with his jaw, toppling him backward. Her only chance was to keep him at distance. She was fast and her technique was flawless but he had the strength on his side. She knew that if he got too close, she would be doomed. He lunged again with his knife hoping to tear into her flesh and she ducked only to slam her elbow into his throat, so hard he fell back on the coffee table behind him, losing his knife and breaking the side lamp in the process. She didn't let him recuperate, she punched his bloody wound repeatedly and viciously, trying to make the maximum damage. He yelled in pain as the kicks kept coming and he had a hard time protecting himself in this lying position. All her bottled up rage was suddenly getting released and she felt more powerful with every blow she landed. He managed to roll out the coffee table and stood up again, a amused smile on his face.

He curled his index finger, daring her to come and get him. She was happy to oblige. She got 2 lightning-fast hits to his guts before he had the chance to move. Then she followed with a kick to the head but this time he blocked her leg and pushed her violently, her back slamming against the wall a couple of feet away. Her world spun for a moment, taken aback by the strength of her opponent. He headed toward her again, slowly, confidently almost nonchalantly then he plowed square into her, sending her flying. She landed awkwardly on her back and pain shot through her. She stood up quickly and danced out of the way just as he lunged again. He was getting too close. Suddenly she saw out of the corner of her eye, the metal of her gun shining in the darkness. She had left it on the kitchen counter when she inspected the house earlier. She just had to make a run for it.

She started to sprint toward the kitchen when Red john dove and caught the back of her shirt. He wrenched and they tumbled on the floor. She tried to get away but he had a firm grip. Once he got her on her back, she was powerless to resist him. She fought hard, kicking, clawing and writhing but he was stronger and had her pinned quickly. Even then, she kept fighting. She bucked, twisted and struggled against him but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get free. The more she resisted, the harder he pressed against her frame, so much she could barely breathe. She gasped and her eyes widened in shock as she felt him getting aroused. He grinded his hips against her core and red hot fury spread inside her, her moves now frantic and desperate. It seemed to amuse him even more. She trashed so hard underneath him, all her muscles and joints strained to the point of tearing, but she didn't care. She kept pushing against what felt like a ton of bricks on top of her. He grabbed both her hands in one of his allowing his free hand to explore her body. He slowly ran his cold fingers under her shirt, nails digging into her flesh. She twisted, tried to hit and claw as his hand pushed under her bra.

She shifted and she managed to wrench one arm free. She clawed at his neck and slammed her palm into his throat. He gave a strangled cry and withdrew quickly his hand from under her shirt only to grab her by the hair.

"Ungrateful bitch, will you stop!" he yelled as Lisbon's hand flew to his mask just before he bashed her head on the tile floor. She screamed in pain and he did again until her hand fell limp on her side bringing his mask with it. The last thing she saw before her vision clouded and faded into black was the smiling face of the man behind the mask. Sheriff McAllister.

Red john exhaled loudly as he looked at her with a perverse fascination. His hand released her hair soaked with blood and smirked. She had made him work for it. He liked them feisty and Teresa Lisbon was a treat of a lifetime. All this rage she had inside her made her quite special in his eyes. He was somewhat disappointed that he wouldn't get to use her as a pawn in his little game with Jane but it was worth it. What he had in mind for her excited him even more. Never in his life had he seen someone fight him so hard. The cherry on top of the cake was that Patrick Jane wanted her. It made her irresistible to him, the need to claim her so intense he couldn't wait. He laid over her unconscious body and went to bury his nose in her neck. He inhaled deeply and smiled as he felt blood trickling down her neck. He dipped his index finger in the blood and slowly traced his signature on her face.

"Wake up, Teresa" he whispered in her ear.

Lisbon was slipping in and out consciousness. Darkness alternated with bright flashes of lights as her eyes fluttered. She whimpered in agony as the throbbing in her head was excruciating, thousands of needles drilling into her brain. The pain so intense, she couldn't even think.

She just let herself drift off for a while. She didn't fight it when she felt herself falling deeper and deeper, the world fading away. No more pain. A false sense of safety and peace invaded her until she was brought out of her haze by hands touching her. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times and it all came crashing down on her. The world reappeared with a bang, blinding and blurry, the creep looming above her. Jolts of pain spread into her skull. She desperately wanted to close her eyes and let the darkness claim her once more but she couldn't. She knew what would happen if she didn't fight, it would be over. She strained to remain conscious, her limbs numb and unresponsive when she felt his fingers dig into her stomach, his touch repugnant and abrasive. She bit her lip and blood gushed into her mouth. She concentrated on the copper taste as she tried to keep her eyes open, her vision still fuzzy and unfocused. Panic started to set in when Lisbon couldn't move a muscle despite all her efforts.

* * *

Jane drove aimlessly for a while as he kept replaying his last conversation with Lisbon. He hadn't thought his heart could break again after all he went through. He was wrong. Her rejection had hurt him to the core. He wanted to be mad at her but he just couldn't. He deserved it after all. He finally got a taste of his own medicine after pushing her away so many times.

He pulled over on the side of the road and came out of his car. He exhaled loudly trying to regain some composure as his hand slid through his hair anxiously. He looked at his hands and they were trembling, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. There was something wrong about the whole thing. He couldn't believe that it was only sex between them and that Lisbon didn't reciprocate his feelings. He had seen the love in her eyes so many times. In fact he had seen it the night before when they made love. She had been an anchor for him for more than a decade now and he knew her by heart. She was warm and caring, so human. A wonderful human. She just wouldn't dismiss him so coldly without a reason. It wasn't who she was. Or maybe she just didn't want to be with him, scared that he would hurt her or trick her, the bastard that he was. But his mind didn't seem to come to terms with this idea. She just wouldn't give up on him, like he wouldn't give up on her. There had to be a reason. He had been so blinded by the sting of rejection that he had forgotten all about what she had been hiding from him in the first place. Suddenly everything fell in place et he knew with certainty that there was more to this story. He felt it in his guts. He climbed back in his car and headed back where he came from.

* * *

She was still fighting for consciousness as her eyes rolled back into her head once more when she felt Red John's warm breath tickle her cheek.

"Open your eyes, Teresa. I want you awake when I end you. But first, I want you to know that I will kill everyone remotely close to you, brothers and nephews and I will do it slow. I will make them suffer and I will let them know why I'm doing this, so that they'll hate you with their last breaths. I gave you a chance and you blew it, now you will face the consequences."

He grinded his erection against her.

"After all this foreplay, I'm afraid I don't think I can hold much longer." He said as he licked the blood on her cheek. Then he whispered in her ear.

"The last thing you will feel on this earth is me moving inside of you as I cut you open. Patrick will know that you were mine, I'll make sure of it". He giggled then leaned back to unbuckle his belt.

She whimpered as she understood what was about to happen. She forced herself to focus as she felt the weight on top of her being lifted and heard the sound of his zipper. It took all of her strength to start moving again, her head throbbing with every move she made. Her jaw clenched and she started to crawl to the kitchen where she could see her gun on the counter only couple of meters away. So close, yet so far. She had barely advanced when Red John violently grabbed her leg and pulled her back to him.

With her last strength, she fought with everything she had, her limps inarticulate and weak, trying to kick and pummel. She clawed at his skin but only succeeded in arousing him even more, lust blinding his dark eyes.

"Now where were we ?" He began to tear off her short and grab her hips, groaning like a beast in rut as she kept resisting. As a last resort, she started screaming but he jammed his forearm viciously down her throat and her cries died with her last shred of hope.

Then he was flying of her, the heavy weight on her body suddenly lifted. Jane's face was above her in a instant, twisted with rage. He looked at her with wild eyes before he lunged at Red john with a strength fuelled by adrenaline and hatred. She saw him attack Red John as if in slow motion, her heart squeezing painfully as she was too weak to protect the man she loved. Jane's fist connected with Red John's jaw and he slammed in the wall behind him. He recovered fast and licked blood from his lips. Jane swung again and Red John ducked and slammed his fist into his guts. Jane doubled over and he kicked him violently to the floor, knocking the wind out out of his lungs. Jane groaned in pain and Red John looked at him, an ugly smile on his face. He approached him slowly like a predator ready to pounce on his prey. Jane tried to kick and pummel but Red John was an experienced fighter and within seconds Red John was straddling his waist, both his hands at Jane's throat.

"What a glorious day, isn't it ? " Red John chuckled.

He started to tighten his hold on Jane's throat, his fingers digging into his neck. Jane's eyes widened as awful gargling sounds fell from his lips, his arms swatting weakly at Red John. Jane looked at Lisbon, bloody and battered crawling on the floor. Their eyes met and the look of utter pain, guilt and hopelessness on his face made Lisbon push through the pain. Couple more feet and she would be able to grab the gun.

"I certainly didn't intend for this to happen so soon. What a treat…all of us together having fun…even better than that the day I killed your wife and your little Charlotte…"

Jane bucked under him, hatred pulsating through his veins. His fist clenched and he punched him hard in the nose. Blood surged. Red John gasped and cursed then squeezed Jane's throat harder. All amusement vanished from his eyes replaced by something perverse and evil.

"I won't kill you Patrick, you're way too fun to play with. I will just squeeze your neck until you pass out. When you'll wake up, I'll make you watch as I bang sweet Teresa. Then I'll kill her."

Jane's eyes bulged, his face turning purple as he suffocated. He blinked but couldn't see anything. He fought the best he could and tried to hold on but he had never been a fighter. He felt himself fading rapidly into oblivion, his last thought for Lisbon.

Then a loud bang echoed in the room as blood sprayed on the white wall like paint splashing on a canvas. It was followed by a light thud as Red John fell forward on top of Jane, dead. Lisbon released a deep breath of relief when she heard Jane coughed loudly. Her hands shook as she still held the gun pointed in their direction. Jane pushed the killer from over him, revealing the unrecognizable face of Sheriff McAllister as he rolled on his back. His face was a bloody pulp of gore and red matter, his surprised blue eyes the only reminder of what the creep used to look like. It was finally over and relief washed over her. She put the gun on the counter and made couple of steps back on wobbly legs until she felt the wall behind her. She finally let her limbs give in and fell slowly along the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Her head was pounding, wave after wave of pain surging into her brain but it didn't matter anymore. They were safe. Jane. Her nephews. They would be ok.

Jane finally caught his breath after almost suffocating and the enormity of what just happened hit him like a ton of bricks as he looked at the bloody face of his enemy. Red John was finally dead and his family had been avenged. He stayed in shock staring at the corpse until his eyes trailed up to see his saviour slumped against the wall. He rushed toward her and took her in his arms. He held her gently as he took in her blood soaked hair and her glossy eyes.

"Lisbon, are you ok?" Jane asked worried.

She didn't answer but nodded weakly. She closed her eyes and just curled more into Jane's body. His smell, his warmth, the light patterns he trailed on her back soothed her. Her body grew numb except for the ache in her skull. The world started to fade away. Tears fell down her cheeks as she felt herself slip into unconsciousness once more, maybe she wouldn't wake up this time. But It didn't scare her. She was at peace. She accomplished what she needed to do. And she was in the arms of the man she loved. What better ending could she have after all? So she let go. The last thing she heard before passing out was the panicked voice of Jane repeating over and over "Stay with me, Lisbon".

* * *

 **A/N: RJ finally died ! yay ! Next chapter will be the last chapter of this story and will offer some resolution for our favourite couple.**


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